Just senior humor

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Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are
so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.
Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: !
Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long
When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex,
which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kid of sex - Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
 
A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. The man asked the woman, "What will you do if die?"

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she inquired, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."

And that's how the fight started !
 
Name Game
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I really recommend it." The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?" The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration and finally says to his companion, "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies, "A Carnation?" "No. No. The other one," the man says. His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"No," growls the man, "You know the one that is red and has thorns." His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, yes that's it," the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
 
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
The bartender gives her the drink, and she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate
my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
"I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The woman says, "Thank you, how sweet of you OK then, Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you a drink too."
The woman says, "Thank you very much my dear. Bartender, I'll have another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink this time, he says,
"Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman giggles and replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.
Water, however, is a whole other issue!"
 
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