Just senior humor

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Helping The Economy

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.​
 
Not dirty...I promise.


This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship. " The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat. " The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft. "Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette? " "Ten years! ", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good! " Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey? " He replies, "Ten years! " She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic! " Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun? "And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there! "
 
Revision of 60s and 70s songs...
They just don't make the songs like they used to any more!!!!!!!
Some of the artists of the 60's and 70's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate
aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday. They include:

Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash
Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr - I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend A Broken Hip
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon - Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
The Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations - Papa's Got A Kidney Stone
Abba - Denture Queen
Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy - I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To
And Last but NOT least...
Willie Nelson - On the Commode Again​
 

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