Nothing To Look Forward To

AutumnOfMyLife said:
Perhaps volunteering would help to bring meaning back to your life.
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I haven't had any luck finding meaningful volunteer opportunities. So many of them here are just grunt work and, though I get around and do things just fine, I'm not able to lift and carry a bunch of things, or do heavy gardening work any more -- my knees are not so hot. I tried checking with the VA, as Ina did, but there are very limited opportunities here and they use very few volunteers (dunno why).

I'm going through a sort of grim stage right now -- probably partly because of all the car woes I am having.
 

Butterfly said:
I haven't had any luck finding meaningful volunteer opportunities. So many of them here are just grunt work and, though I get around and do things just fine, I'm not able to lift and carry a bunch of things, or do heavy gardening work any more -- my knees are not so hot. I tried checking with the VA, as Ina did, but there are very limited opportunities here and they use very few volunteers (dunno why).

I'm going through a sort of grim stage right now -- probably partly because of all the car woes I am having.
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Sorry to hear you are having car woes too. What kind are you having? Mine are that i don't have a car and can't afford to buy one. And the people who have cars they want to donate only want to donate them to PBS or something, not to other people who could use them.
 

Ah, the grim specter of the future ....

Sorry you're having car problems, Butterfly. I remember what that was like ... paying insurance on a car that wasn't running always got my goat.

I'm not really volunteer material. Never have been. Too selfish. I feel if I'm going to work, I should be compensated for my time in some concrete way.

Horrible, I know - but that's me.
 
Guitarist said:
Sorry to hear you are having car woes too. What kind are you having? Mine are that i don't have a car and can't afford to buy one. And the people who have cars they want to donate only want to donate them to PBS or something, not to other people who could use them.
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Transmission is shot and it looks like it's headed for the junkyard. I'm looking for a used one I can afford. It's almost impossible to live here without a car, and I am also the transportation for my disabled sister as well. If we had somewhere near decent bus service here I'd seriously consider using that instead of a car, but we don't.
 
SifuPhil said:
Ah, the grim specter of the future ....

Sorry you're having car problems, Butterfly. I remember what that was like ... paying insurance on a car that wasn't running always got my goat.

I'm not really volunteer material. Never have been. Too selfish. I feel if I'm going to work, I should be compensated for my time in some concrete way.

Horrible, I know - but that's me.
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Me, too, Phil. Several places I looked into wanted volunteers to do similar work and have time commitments similar to what I retired from -- and they want resumes and all kinds of stuff. All that, to give away my time? Hell, if I wanted to go through all THAT, I'd go get a paying job. Besides which, some of those do-gooders and their holier-than-thou attitudes affect me like nails on a blackboard.

I guess I'm horrible, too.
 
New challenges, yes - dealing with a body that has suddenly gone gimp. Discoveries - that I'm not the man I used to be. Joy? Get outta' here. Conversations are about the only thing left, and those are all virtual.
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This. I don't have conversations with people in real life, face to face, anymore. There is no one to have such conversations with.

People have suggested I volunteer, but I have no way to get to any of the places where I could do the work. No public transportation within walking distance of me.
 
Butterfly said:
Me, too, Phil. Several places I looked into wanted volunteers to do similar work and have time commitments similar to what I retired from -- and they want resumes and all kinds of stuff. All that, to give away my time? Hell, if I wanted to go through all THAT, I'd go get a paying job. Besides which, some of those do-gooders and their holier-than-thou attitudes affect me like nails on a blackboard.

I guess I'm horrible, too.
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We'll have to start a Horrible Person club - no resumes needed to join, just the ability to show horribleness. ;)

Guitarist said:
This. I don't have conversations with people in real life, face to face, anymore. There is no one to have such conversations with.

People have suggested I volunteer, but I have no way to get to any of the places where I could do the work. No public transportation within walking distance of me.
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The only people i talk to in real face-to-face situations these days are my roommate and the guy that owns the convenience store up the street.

My roommate only wants to talk about her medical condition so I severely limit our talks. And the store owner?

"Hi Jimmy"

"Hi Phil"

"How goes it?"

"Good - how about you?"

"Good".

Transport is a bitch, I know. I have to take two buses to get anywhere even semi-worthwhile.
 
I thought I had a realistic view of my future, barring anything drastic. I come from people who put off dying well into their nineties, so I may be here for awhile. Body has lasted far longer than the medical doom merchants prophecied, back in the

days when I would have X-rays guaranteed to depress me for months. Lol. I expected to live alone until I died, gaining purpose from helping others, writing poetry, connecting with friends, hopefully building a closer relationship with my son. I told myself

it was enough, many times it was a struggle to keep putting one foot In front of the other. Then, Boom, along

came a crazy Italian, upset the whole applecart, by ignoring the sparklefairy persona, and climbing inside my head and heart, refusing to leave. So much for being elusive. Loving someone changes everything. I have fallen into hope. Thanks Philly.
 
Who's-a upsetta the apple-cart-a? I'm-a innocent - I was-a playing with the peaches!

You're welcome, dear - and thank YOU for rescuing me from myself. You managed that quite effortlessly. Must be a Taoist ... :p
 
Actually a book I was reading today suggested if it's a place to work that you know would be a perfect fit. Volunteer to work for free, Hey check it out! I can be a perfect team player!!! I'm considering that for the place that called today. Walking distance from the house and basically doggie day care. I've done human day care, same idea...we don't bite our friends and clean up poop wherever you see it. Worth a try...
 
SifulPhil, you said
Oh, Lord ... let me go, please. I'm tired of teaching - I want to rest. Too much responsibility, too much effort, too much pain. My last remaining student, at least "officially", has been with me for 14 years. He keeps coming back, 3 times a week, even when I've used negative reinforcement methods on him - sometimes brutally. Like a puppy getting kicked he always returns, licking my hand and looking for love of a sort. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be capable of giving it, and that frightens me.
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Sounds like you are not really able to give him more love (using negative reinforcement). Could you do yourself and him a favor by ending the relationship? Or is that not what you really want.

Not meaning to be hard on your here; I hope you take it with the good intent I feel for you. :girl_hug:
 
jnos said:
SifulPhil, you said

Sounds like you are not really able to give him more love (using negative reinforcement). Could you do yourself and him a favor by ending the relationship? Or is that not what you really want.

Not meaning to be hard on your here; I hope you take it with the good intent I feel for you. :girl_hug:
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No, of course, jnos, I appreciate you taking the time and having the wisdom to offer a solution.

In one way it's a symbiotic relationship - my student gets what HE needs (teaching and perhaps a Father / Father Confessor figure) and I get what I need - a stroke to my rather large ego.

The tough part is being "chained" to this relationship - like a real Father, I feel I can't "kick him out of the house" - he would have to go on his own accord.

And as there's no sign of that happening, I might just have to pack my bags and disappear one night, leaving behind a note - "Good luck, muchacho!" :playful:
 
Wow, I only read the first couple pages on this thread, but they really hit home. I recently started a diary here on SrForum because I felt myself slipping into the dark....off the tapestry, so to speak.

I know that when I get like that, I'm not alone, but it's great to have the affirmation: reading other people's similar (and actual) experiences.
 
Wrigley's said:
Wow, I only read the first couple pages on this thread, but they really hit home. I recently started a diary here on SrForum because I felt myself slipping into the dark....off the tapestry, so to speak.

I know that when I get like that, I'm not alone, but it's great to have the affirmation: reading other people's similar (and actual) experiences.
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Wrigley -- how are you doing? I know you mentioned on another thread (which I now can't find) that you were having post-surgical pain. Did you get to the bottom of that? I hope so.
 
Butterfly said:
Wrigley -- how are you doing? I know you mentioned on another thread (which I now can't find) that you were having post-surgical pain. Did you get to the bottom of that? I hope so.
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Turns out the odd pain in my lower abdomen is not an infection. Doctor's opinion is that I did too much too soon. Too much lifting, in particular. The surgeon does her lap surgeries directly into the naval, rather than just above or below it, to hide the scar. But that also causes a weird, annoying knot in your naval when it starts healing. Plus, when you lift too much too soon, you can cause internal scarring, and that is probably causing the pain.

The surgeon said the incision healed way too fast - faster than the sutures could dissolve. So the sutures are causing a pulling type pain that I can feel all the way to my kidneys. I'm taking care not to lift over 20 pounds until end of next week, and there's less pain every day.
 
You know something I think about is the movie "As Good as It Gets". Whoooly Crap if I outlive hubby. I mean I could, but I don't want to. It took us so very many years to reach the peace treaty.
 
SifuPhil said:
Well, perhaps "normal" wasn't the proper term to use in your case, I know ... ;) ... still I wanted to use you as my example, as I know you would flog me only a little bit.




So it's a universal problem?



Despite what many of my (former) acquaintances say of me, stubbornness can be a blessing. Thank you for verifying that.



Back in elementary school we used to have "Air raid practice". At the time, the big goblin was the atomic bomb being dropped upon us by those naughty Russkies. So, every once in a while - monthly, I seem to recall - the sirens would go off during class. What did we do?

We marched down to the basement, leaned against the wall and clasped our hands over our necks.

All but me, that is.

I stood in the middle of the corridor, spread my hands wide, looked upward and chanted "I've got it! I've got it!"

There was some talk about placing me in the "Special" class but somehow that never happened.
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stubbornness is all that keeps me going most of the time. It has served me well up til now and I sure hope it continues to do so.
 
Originally posted by SifuPhil:

Back in elementary school we used to have "Air raid practice". At the time, the big goblin was the atomic bomb being dropped upon us by those naughty Russkies. So, every once in a while - monthly, I seem to recall - the sirens would go off during class. What did we do?

We marched down to the basement, leaned against the wall and clasped our hands over our necks.

All but me, that is.

I stood in the middle of the corridor, spread my hands wide, looked upward and chanted "I've got it! I've got it!"

There was some talk about placing me in the "Special" class but somehow that never happened.
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Sounds to me like you were "all boy." And yeah, that is special. (And this is a compliment BTW.) Schools just don't get it sometimes.
 
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