I have already decided to talk to his doctor so he can report it.
I have mentioned it to my husband as an inevitable event that will occur, due to his poor health. He refuses to make a plan that will solve some of his problems. He has never had foresight. And I mean never, since I married him and probably before, but I didn't notice while we were dating..
Wheaten Lover, you sound to me very much like my daughter who, while she is now separated from her husband, still cares about his welfare. In her words -"Mum, he is not a bad person, just a sh*tty husband".
I can offer you no advice but know that I admire your integrity and concern for the needs of other family members. Just remember to care for yourself as well.
Few are 100% bad. He is a narcissist. He is a really good at charming person when he wants something from someone, such as clients who pay him money. Right now he is back to be charming to me when we talk on the phone -- but I know that scam already.
I got myself into this, though. A couple of days after I arrived, with the marriage date set for two days later, he told me he decided to send me home. I had moved 1400 miles away from home to a place I didn't want to live. I had quit my job - the only job I ever had that I loved (to this day) My replacement had been hired. I had sold my car and given away the contents of my household, except for my clothing. I had been accepted to grad school in the new location, I had flown my two cats to the city, and now they would be in the bowels of an airplane again. If I went back home, I would have to live with my mother, who was very abusive and just plain mean. Very controlling. If I didn't do everything she said, with very short time limits, she would kick me out.
So I spent a day re-packing my clothing and asked for a plane ticket. I had no money because I had just paid off my undergrad loans so I would not bring prior debt into the marriage. He said he had changed his mind. So I married him. I didn't see any way out. After 5 years of infertility treatment, and while setting my life up to divorce him, we decided to try IVF. There was a tiny chance I could get pregnant with one try, but I desperately wanted a child and figured this would be my last chance. The chance of me getting pregnant and having a life birth on the first try, according to the doctor, was .075%. Not a big risk unless you are me, as you shall see.
I ended up pregnant with triplets, and there was no way I could divorce, go home, work, and take care of 3 extremely premature babies. So I was stuck. After that, even though my husband helped some with the babies (except when he was at work which was a lot, and not at night because he need sleep to work, and not during daily racquetball and working out because to work he had to be in prime physical condition.
Things deteriorated from there. My parents were divorced, and I did not want to put my kids in daycare while I struggled to support them. My husband would not have paid alimony or child support. And he would have gotten away with it, just as he gets away with not paying taxes. He bankrupted on the first taxes and huge bills I didn't know about, and he just doesn't pay them now and that is why I file married, separately, because I have no control over the situation. I rarely had income over $5K since I was a stay at home mom.
When the boys were close to a year old, I noticed my abdomen was getting larger and thought it was a tumor. I called a physician friend of mine and asked her to refer me to an oncologist. She asked the symptoms and said I was pregnant. A singleton pregnancy is a lot different from a triplet pregnancy, so I had no idea. I told my husband and he said there was no way. I concurred, but asked him to get a pregnancy test anyway. He was pissed -- didn't want to waste $10. But he did it and I was pregnant. Neither of us remembered how that happened. He called our obstetrician and said it was an emergency to find out how far along I was. We could just see the newspaper story about a pair of highly educated professionals who didn't find out the wife was pregnant until she gave birth! Turned out I was 15 weeks along.
Mind you, I was huge during my triplet pregnancy even though I only gained 22 lbs. I was hospitalized for a long time, and had to wear 2 hospital gowns because one would not nearly cover me. I had horrible severe morning sickness the whole time, and finally the nurses had to give me a shot before each meal so I could keep food down. My friends would sneak in high calorie foods after my meals so I could gain weight. That plan did not work out. I had a liver disease related to the pregnancy which caused intense itching over most of my body 24/7, which was like being tortured for real. It disappeared immediately after I gave birth. I supposedly had gestational diabetes, but none of the 5 finger sticks I did each day showed any increase of blood sugar - it was always 80-100, no matter what I ate.
Back to baby #4. I nicknamed the fetus Tumor Surprise. I was freaked out about how I was going to handle another baby. She is my lovely daughter. Also my doctors had told me I didn't have to use birth control because there was zero chance I could get pregnant naturally. So not only do we not recall the event that led to my having a daughter, we didn't even use birth control for it. Yet another rare event, unless you are me.
I am trying to stop beating myself up over my poor decisions. There is no point and it doesn't change a thing. I have a new philosophy of living in the now, which is working pretty well. Certainly it is better than ruminating over how stupid I have been.