What’s 1 thing you wish you never heard?

From a girlfriend in Junior High. Her friend returned a bracelet I had given her and said "she no longer wants to go steady with you because you are a sissy and a queer". Took me years to get past that one. No longer has an effect on me.
 

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after my mother took her own life because of my father's abusive actions towards her and we kids.. he remarried within 12 months.. to a horrible manipulative piece of work who in all honesty deserved him, and he her... , we 'kids' me 18 and several more, the youngest only 10 years old were not over the grief and loss of our mother from just 12 months previously

The wicked stepmother delighted in telling lies about how we'd been acting while he was at work so she could see the fallout , and he wouldn't ask questions when he got home, just took her word for it , just lashed out with beatings, kicking & punching us ..

I was especially broken by my mothers death.. and still naively hung onto the fact that however he treated my mother.. she was still a 1,000 times better than this witch he married... and must be so even in HIS mind too..who could deny it, I thought?

One day there was an argument, and I mentioned my mother , and in front of the witch and a bunch total strangers my father turned to me and shouted ''I never loved your mother''.!!

I was shocked to the core, I was angry , stunned into silence for several minutes , upset, and absolutely appalled that he'd beaten her regularly since I was a toddler , she'd tried to take her own life on several occasions.. she's left home a couple of times and he hunted her down and dragged her back... why ..FGS why?.. if you didn't love her, why didn't you just let her go.. and she'd be alive today..I spluttered in sheer grief and anger ... 😖


So..that phrase'' I never loved your mother'' will remain with me forever
 
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hollydolly said:
after my mother took her own life because of my father's abusive actions towards her and we kids.. he remarried within 12 months.. to a horrible manipulative piece of work who in all honesty deserved him, and he her... , we 'kids' me 18 and several more, the youngest only 10 years old were not over the grief and loss of our mother from just 12 months previously

The wicked stepmother delighted in telling lies about how we'd been acting while he was at work so she could see the fallout , and he wouldn't ask questions when he got home, just took her word for it , just lashed out with beatings, kicking & punching us ..

I was especially broken by my mothers death.. and still naively hung onto the fact that however he treated my mother.. she was still a 1,000 times better than this witch he married... and must be so even in HIS mind too..who could deny it, I thought?

One day there was an argument, and I mentioned my mother , and in front of the witch and a bunch total strangers my father turned to me and shouted ''I never loved your mother''.!!

I was shocked to the core, I was angry , stunned into silence for several minutes , upset, and absolutely appalled that he'd beaten her regularly since I was a toddler , she'd tried to take her own life on several occasions.. she's left home a couple of times and he hunted her down and dragged her back... why ..FGS why?.. if you didn't love her, why didn't you just let her go.. and she'd be alive today..I spluttered in sheer grief and anger ... 😖


So..that phrase'' I never loved your mother will remain with me forever ''
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I always amazes me what people will say.....
that is heartbreaking... especially when you can see how much pain could have been spared if he had let her go.
 
dseag2 said:
From a girlfriend in Junior High. Her friend returned a bracelet I had given her and said "she no longer wants to go steady with you because you are a sissy and a queer". Took me years to get past that one. No longer has an effect on me.
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palm eyes closed 4 fb.jpg
 
hollydolly said:
after my mother took her own life because of my father's abusive actions towards her and we kids.. he remarried within 12 months.. to a horrible manipulative piece of work who in all honesty deserved him, and he her... , we 'kids' me 18 and several more, the youngest only 10 years old were not over the grief and loss of our mother from just 12 months previously

The wicked stepmother delighted in telling lies about how we'd been acting while he was at work so she could see the fallout , and he wouldn't ask questions when he got home, just took her word for it , just lashed out with beatings, kicking & punching us ..

I was especially broken by my mothers death.. and still naively hung onto the fact that however he treated my mother.. she was still a 1,000 times better than this witch he married... and must be so even in HIS mind too..who could deny it, I thought?

One day there was an argument, and I mentioned my mother , and in front of the witch and a bunch total strangers my father turned to me and shouted ''I never loved your mother''.!!

I was shocked to the core, I was angry , stunned into silence for several minutes , upset, and absolutely appalled that he'd beaten her regularly since I was a toddler , she'd tried to take her own life on several occasions.. she's left home a couple of times and he hunted her down and dragged her back... why ..FGS why?.. if you didn't love her, why didn't you just let her go.. and she'd be alive today..I spluttered in sheer grief and anger ... 😖


So..that phrase'' I never loved your mother'' will remain with me forever
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Dear @hollydolly, my heart aches for what you went through. Yet, you have become a beautiful, kind person who has the courage to share your life with us, and nurture the friendships on SF. What a generous spirit! God bless you! <<<HUGS>>>
 
I thought about this for awhile. I think the only thing would be that my wonderful mother who raised me and was actually my grand aunt by marriage told me that when I was born and my grandmother was looking to give me away, she said "that little thing has got to get out of here!" I know my mother was just trying to be truthful when I questioned the situation, but that hurt. I am the product of rape and my birth mother was barely 14 when she gave birth to me. I guess I was a big source of shame for my grandmother. My parents didn't have any children so she gave me to them rather than her other brother and SIL in Connecticut who also wanted me, but already had children.

I didn't find out who my birth mother was until she'd been dead for 5 years...the day of my 16th birthday party. She died at 25 of kidney disease. I loved her so much but was raised to believe she was my cousin. Our family was always close, so I saw a lot of my grandmother as I grew up, before (and after) I knew the story. We loved each other very much and she came to be quite proud of me. But I couldn't fully forgive her until I told her what I knew and asked for an explanation. She said she couldn't afford to keep me but now that I'm much older, I think she probably felt guilty too. For some unknown reason, my bio father was left alone in the house with my birth mother and my uncle who was younger at the time. Glad that sick SOB did jail time for it.
 
I was nine years old taking a bath, two of my best friends and cousin came by the house on their bicycles, they were nine and 12 years old ,yelled thru the screen , bobby come ma, mom yelled back I had to finish my bath, they yelled back they would meet me on up the road, I hurried up finished my bath , my hand had just pushed the screen door open, I heard a large crash, I got on my bike, looked up the road there was smoke , and loud screams, heard somebody say they are dead, my best friend and my cousin died right there hit by a drunk driver, my cousin and best friend were in the church in their caskets, I walked up to them and told them to get up , the service were held togther the boys were buried in the same cemetery, the boy the same age as me survived , we talk often, thats all I have to say on the matter, lot of things have happen in my life , I wish didn't.
 
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OneEyedDiva said:
I thought about this for awhile. I think the only thing would be that my wonderful mother who raised me and was actually my grand aunt by marriage told me that when I was born and my grandmother was looking to give me away, she said "that little thing has got to get out of here!" I know my mother was just trying to be truthful when I questioned the situation, but that hurt. I am the product of rape and my birth mother was barely 14 when she gave birth to me. I guess I was a big source of shame for my grandmother. My parents didn't have any children so she gave me to them rather than her other brother and SIL in Connecticut who also wanted me, but already had children.

I didn't find out who my birth mother was until she'd been dead for 5 years...the day of my 16th birthday party. She died at 25 of kidney disease. I loved her so much but was raised to believe she was my cousin. Our family was always close, so I saw a lot of my grandmother as I grew up, before (and after) I knew the story. We loved each other very much and she came to be quite proud of me. But I couldn't fully forgive her until I told her what I knew and asked for an explanation. She said she couldn't afford to keep me but now that I'm much older, I think she probably felt guilty too. For some unknown reason, my bio father was left alone in the house with my birth mother and my uncle who was younger at the time. Glad that sick SOB did jail time for it.
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I'm so sorry, Diva. So many of us have overcome adversities and have become better people for it. Yours was probably the ultimate and look what a wonderful, caring person you are. Years of trying to be better than our circumstances have empowered us. 🤗
 
Receiving a phone call from my sister notifying me that Mom was very sick. It was the longest 5 hour drive to get to my hometown. Then upon arriving, they rushed us into an office to discuss, 'hospice'. Hearing that she was near death was too much for me. We were asked to decide whether to place her on DNR.
 
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PamfromTx said:
Receiving a phone call from my sister notifying me that Mom was very sick. It was the longest 5 hour drive. Then upon arriving, they rushed us into an office to discuss, 'hospice'. Hearing that she was near death was too much for me. We were asked to decide whether to place her on DNR.
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and did you Pam ?...did she survive ?
 
hollydolly said:
and did you Pam ?...did she survive ?
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She passed away two days after being admitted to the hospital. Mom had suffered 14 years with Dementia. She was admitted with bed sores that were quite deep; had sepsis and was very sick.

I will never forgive that nursing home. I tried reporting the facility 3 times, nothing was ever done about the complaints.
 
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From late teens on i was aware from things my sisters said during visits that they'd suffered a variety of abuses over a few years in the children's home they were in between being removed from their Mom's custody till they came to live with us. I don't regret knowing that tho it pained me.

The thing i wish i hadn't heard were details that made it clear that the youngest of them had been sexually abused by Janitor, and threatened (that he would throw a litter of kittens in the furnace like he had her longjohns, because they had blood on them, if she told) yet she was still in denial. She was punished for 'losing' the underwear, and her whole life has been overly concerned with placing blame (even for things no person has control over) because she doesn't want to ve blamed.

She's a high functioning disassociative personality. Part of me has always felt she'd be healthier and happier if she'd face it and work thru how it impacted her. But i know that making someone face such a trauma before/unless they're ready can do more harm than good. Once she came very close but we were on phone and i wanted to be able to hold her if she realized. But when i said i was coming over the wall went up and she insisted i shouldn't.

A few months ago she sent me a section of a memoir she's been writing that dealt largely with their childhood years. She came within a sentence or two of acknowledging the incident but suddenly switched the focus to our sister a year older than her. I agonized over the possibility of her wanting more feedback than just it was well written. Luckily she didn't, because whike i wouldn't have spoken the whole truth for fear of pushing over an edge, i might have said something, maybe about the switch of focus that might have triggered her, and now we live far apart.

She is 80 now in happy 2nd marriage sfter being widowed a few years ago, with kids and grandkids nearby but still it haunts her without being clearly defined, an amorphous shadow that i see because she's told me enough yet she somehow doesn't put the pieces of evidence together herself. How i wish i'd never heard the bits she's said aloud without processing what they mean. It is particularly stressing because she has a Masters in Psych and she loves words as much i do yet she insulates herself from the truth those words reveal.
 

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