why am I the one that suffers when I don't like people

D

Denise1952

Well-known Member
I'm trying hard to find someone, or something to blame this on besides myself but lately I've realized that I am becoming really hateful. I mean the feeling of hate towards others. Or at the very least, dislike. And I also realize I am so miserable feeling that way. I want to stay more and more to myself so I don't have to deal with people, except when I "have" to, like at the grocery store.

I think a lot of it is because I really became involved with people so much more online, then I ever did offline. And people say things online they don't say in the offline world, me included. I don't like being "not" a part of something, but at the same time, it's frightening because if you get involved with people, you get hurt.

I tried going back to church to become a nicer person, but that didn't work. There were other people at church. There's people here I know, I can see your names at the bottom of the forum, so I know I'm opening myself up for whatever anyone here wants to say. Maybe I've just finally lost that one, remaining marble.

I say I don't want to be "part of" but here I am posting where I know some of the meanest people on the planet dwell, LOL!! Maybe it makes me feel sweet and kind to be here?? No, certainly joking about that. The thing I remember most about my mother's words to me about life, is that she always told me not to be bitter. That's how I feel, bitter. But what is worse is that I don't seem to be getting past it. I really think I used to be a caring person, maybe she is still in there. I wish I'd wake up and see it was all a bad dream.

I don't know if anyone will even see this, but I want to tell anyone here that I offended, or hurt your feelings, argued with, that I am truly sorry. It's just becoming to easy to take things out on others because I'm unhappy. At the same time, it's nice to be able to meet folks I can talk to, and I really don't open up offline, like I do when I can write it out.
 

Recognizing your feelings and "talking" about them is a good thing. I understand and often feel the same way.

I can be friendly and pleasant and chat up people I don't know...store clerks, for instance...but when it comes to acquaintances? I keep much of myself to myself because I've been "shat" upon so many times by people I thought could be trusted and then discovered that I could not trust them at all. It's not a good feeling and probably silly of me to feel like the best way to keep from being hurt is to share little of my Self.

It's good to have a cat, as though a cat can be trusted for a single second:) LOL

Don't dwell on becoming a better person. You're already a good person. Don't dwell on being just like "everybody" else. If you were like everybody else, you wouldn't be you.

Pay no attention to the nay-sayers, the gloom-and-doomers; heaven knows there are plenty of them.

My daughter has a magnet on her fridge that gives two choices for dinner: Take It or Leave It. Be you and let those around you take you as you are or leave you. It's written exactly nowhere that you're required to be friends with, or even friendly to, people you don't want to befriend. Be civil. Just don't be a pushover.

And if you haven't already gotten yourself a little dog or a kitty, do. They are always glad to see you. They're good listeners. They don't judge. They provide comfort when comforting is needed and appreciate being comforted when they need it. And they're good for your mental and physical health.

Gramma has spoken.
 
First of all Denise, I have no idea what you are talking about when you worry about hurting our feelings online. Arguing is what a forum is all about and as long as you don't lose it completely and go ballistic, things are OK. Being a bit cranky sometimes is perfectly human.

Now, about the question in your title - it came to me in a blinding flash one day when I read that we need to understand that when we point a finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at ourselves. It's like Newton's law that states 'for every action, there is an opposite reaction", except that in the case of emotions, the reaction is amplified.

Negative emotions are normal but it is not good to wallow in a soup of negativity because it is corrosive to happiness. We need to remind ourselves to enjoy the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds singing, and the glorious colours of nature. You know this, of course, so just do it and keep it up until the world seems a friendlier and warmer place. I also suggest using carefully selected music to take yourself out of the doldrums because music is a powerful emotional tonic.

I wish you speedy recovery of your usual cheerfulness. Take care and ride it out. It will pass.
 

GeorgiaXplant said:
Recognizing your feelings and "talking" about them is a good thing. I understand and often feel the same way.

I can be friendly and pleasant and chat up people I don't know...store clerks, for instance...but when it comes to acquaintances? I keep much of myself to myself because I've been "shat" upon so many times by people I thought could be trusted and then discovered that I could not trust them at all. It's not a good feeling and probably silly of me to feel like the best way to keep from being hurt is to share little of my Self.

It's good to have a cat, as though a cat can be trusted for a single second:) LOL

Don't dwell on becoming a better person. You're already a good person. Don't dwell on being just like "everybody" else. If you were like everybody else, you wouldn't be you.

Pay no attention to the nay-sayers, the gloom-and-doomers; heaven knows there are plenty of them.

My daughter has a magnet on her fridge that gives two choices for dinner: Take It or Leave It. Be you and let those around you take you as you are or leave you. It's written exactly nowhere that you're required to be friends with, or even friendly to, people you don't want to befriend. Be civil. Just don't be a pushover.

And if you haven't already gotten yourself a little dog or a kitty, do. They are always glad to see you. They're good listeners. They don't judge. They provide comfort when comforting is needed and appreciate being comforted when they need it. And they're good for your mental and physical health.

Gramma has spoken.
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Thanks for this Georgia, funny, but I have been searching for a little dog, and I think it would be really good. I wouldn't have to talk to "just" myself around here. I also want someone to walk with, and a dog would be a good, walking-buddy:)

You were right about it all, just thanks for sharing it. Seems like you get through one struggle and then there's another waiting. But I am being too negative, so I will take both you gals advice on that. I've taken to just watching comedies on tv (Roku actually, no cable) but I get The Golden Girls dvds too. I read a lot, and all fun stuff. It's good just to get your replies, I'm glad I said something, denise

Warrigal said:
First of all Denise, I have no idea what you are talking about when you worry about hurting our feelings online. Arguing is what a forum is all about and as long as you don't lose it completely and go ballistic, things are OK. Being a bit cranky sometimes is perfectly human.

Now, about the question in your title - it came to me in a blinding flash one day when I read that we need to understand that when we point a finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at ourselves. It's like Newton's law that states 'for every action, there is an opposite reaction", except that in the case of emotions, the reaction is amplified.

Negative emotions are normal but it is not good to wallow in a soup of negativity because it is corrosive to happiness. We need to remind ourselves to enjoy the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds singing, and the glorious colours of nature. You know this, of course, so just do it and keep it up until the world seems a friendlier and warmer place. I also suggest using carefully selected music to take yourself out of the doldrums because music is a powerful emotional tonic.

I wish you speedy recovery of your usual cheerfulness. Take care and ride it out. It will pass.
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Oh, I know I have hurt people Warri, I think people let people down, hurt eachother, not a perfect world.

No, I am not liking this wallowing thing, yuck:( I was telling Georgia I want to get a pup, but then I kind of worry I might depress the dog, lol!! I don't yell, scream or throw things though, I suffer silently, LOL!! Thanks for replying Warri, I was reading your thread on the religion thing, it's a great thread;) denise
 
I have to have something going, almost all the time now because of tinnitus. Except when I'm out and about, doesn't bother me then. I really like the thunder/rain sounds I have on my phone app.
 
No, Denise, it isn't a perfect world and people do hurt each other. That's why forgiveness is a virtue. We need to forgive ourselves too. Often we forgive everyone else and continue to beat ourselves up for our own minor transgressions. Don't feel bad. I'm pretty sure you haven't caused too much emotional hurt on Seniors.
 
A dog won't care if you're suffering in silence; dogs are very perceptive and will recognize that you're feeling down. And a dog won't *catch* depression from you; a dog will comfort you when you're depressed.

Go to a no-kill animal shelter. Let a dog pick you.

As for me? I don't mind suffering in silence one little bit as long as everybody knows I'm suffering! LOL
 
Denise, I applaud your courage and honesty in sharing this with us on the forum. Hugs to you. Sounds to me like you are going through some emotional rough stuff. I remember last year when you were homeless etc. now you are settled, perhaps you feel

"safe" enough to deal with buried feelings. You have been through a lot. Anger, bitterness etc are normal reactions to huge changes in our lives, particularly if the "crisis" is over. It is only human to think everything would be hunky dory now. Usually it

isn't. Give yourself some time to adjust, to process your new life. Be kind to yourself, not judgemental. We are all human. Online friends can be family, mine are.
 
I really think a lot of my depression (I guess that's the popular term) is sort of a "world-wide" issue for me. I got really into the whole political thing, and now, I just want out of my own skin. I say I don't want to be part of sometimes, but what I hate more is the division, how people are not united. I know it's not possible for all to be totally united. I've heard it so many times, that if we were all alike how boring that would be. But it does "feel" better, to me anyway, to be in agreement with others. I need to learn to feel good about agreeing to disagree, lol:)

Anyway, it's really about how I've cut myself off from people because I don't want to hurt anyone or be hurt by anyone. But it really is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater isn't it. I am scared to be so alone, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The world is getting scarier by the minute to me, and facing it all alone is just stupid for me to try. It's not that hard to be nice to people, even if I disagree with them. But at the same time, as Georgia touched on I think, not getting too thick, or dependent on others. People will let us down, even if they die it seems like we get angry "at them" for dying on us.
 
Shali has made a truly valid point. When I'm working toward a goal and trying to be patient until its met, I have a tendency to think that once I'm there, everything will be fine. Trouble with that is while working and waiting, other things are being shifted to the back burner and guess what? I've met my goal and still have to deal with all the flotsam and jetsam that collected and were either ignored or neglected. They didn't go away. How annoying! I met my goal. Everything is supposed to be perfect, right? Um. Nope. Still gotta face the crap and resolve it.

That little dog at the no-kill shelter is waiting to help you deal with your own flotsam and jetsam.
 
Denise, sometimes it is good to distance yourself from the world's woes, especially if you are a sensitive person. It can drive you crazy. Good things do happen, many people are wonderful, the media just under reports it. I ration myself as to how much

news I watch, otherwise I become depressed. Same thing applies to negative people. We don't all need to agree, but being cruel to each other is toxic. Most people lash out from a place of pain. I get that, I am compassionate, but hey, I have feelings too.
 
Shalimar said:
Denise, I applaud your courage and honesty in sharing this with us on the forum. Hugs to you. Sounds to me like you are going through some emotional rough stuff. I remember last year when you were homeless etc. now you are settled, perhaps you feel

"safe" enough to deal with buried feelings. You have been through a lot. Anger, bitterness etc are normal reactions to huge changes in our lives, particularly if the "crisis" is over. It is only human to think everything would be hunky dory now. Usually it

isn't. Give yourself some time to adjust, to process your new life. Be kind to yourself, not judgemental. We are all human. Online friends can be family, mine are.
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Thanks Shalimar,

I didn't really think about the home-less thing, and now being settled, and probably very true about thinking everything was going to hunky dory. I know better, but I do feel I got through the worst, and now things "are supposed" to be great.

You've reminded that I need to be grateful for so many things:) Right now my truck is being fixed, and I was not happy at the cost, but I had the money because I've been saving, lol! Oh yeah, but I wanted to spend my savings on something else;)

I really am so grateful, mostly because, you gals have been so kind today. I just want to remember to return the kindness. Being nice to others makes me feel better than anything;) denise
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Shali has made a truly valid point. When I'm working toward a goal and trying to be patient until its met, I have a tendency to think that once I'm there, everything will be fine. Trouble with that is while working and waiting, other things are being shifted to the back burner and guess what? I've met my goal and still have to deal with all the flotsam and jetsam that collected and were either ignored or neglected. They didn't go away. How annoying! I met my goal. Everything is supposed to be perfect, right? Um. Nope. Still gotta face the crap and resolve it.

That little dog at the no-kill shelter is waiting to help you deal with your own flotsam and jetsam.
Click to expand...

My landlady is on the sar team (search and rescue) and she is my greatest help in finding a little dog. I can't have over 25 lb'er and she is in touch with all the shelters along the coast here. I'm sure I'll find a dog soon. I watched a video on a guy that rescued just older dogs, and I don't think I'll be afraid to do that. So many people don't want the older dogs because they are afraid they'll die to soon (I know I thought that too) but I have the ways and means, a good home and could adopt a dog "more my age" LOL!
 
Shali, patience is a virtue. Trouble is that virtue is its own reward. Fooey on that. I want real, tangible rewards. Like chocolate. Or ice cream. Or a whole bag of potato chips all for me. Never mind the vague, airy-fairy, existential, philosophical crap. Tangible. Even cash, and I don't give rat's rear if cash is crass. You with me, Denise? :D
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
Shali, patience is a virtue. Trouble is that virtue is its own reward. Fooey on that. I want real, tangible rewards. Like chocolate. Or ice cream. Or a whole bag of potato chips all for me. Never mind the vague, airy-fairy, existential, philosophical crap. Tangible. Even cash, and I don't give rat's rear if cash is crass. You with me, Denise? :D
Click to expand...

Well, it sure tastes good going in, but too much of that stuff gives me the trots, so moderation for me:playful: Moderation with all things is the ticket?? I'm thinking, this is it, the answer to my dilemma, moderation, can I get a moderator? No, I know, I have to do it myself;)
 
Shalimar said:
Hmmm. Moderation if I must, but I am a maximalist/hedonist at heart! Bring on the brown sugar fudge and "my special" brownies! I wanna have fun!
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I just wanna say that I don't think it's fare some folks can eat so many goodies, and I can't get away with it. But there's the "not everyone is alike" again, lol;) I think I AM those same things at heart though, I know I "think" a lot of things I'd like to do. Some people would say "thank god denise doesn't do everything she thinks of" :rolleyes:
 
Hi Denise, I had a particularly bad day yesterday and listening to some of these helped, plus talking to others:

 
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I've enjoyed reading all your nice words to Denise, ladies. It's so nice to see such sweet concern.

I hope by now (the middle of your day Denis) that you're feeling better.

(I'm having a hard time typing this because Ziggy is sitting on my desk giving me 'kitty kisses' all up the side of my cheek. Hope you find a fur baby too because they'll put a smile on your face on those gloomy days:rolleyes:!)
 
thanks Debby, and yes, the ladies really helped me get my day off on the right foot:) I am really grateful:) I get to pup sit tomorrow, I do that every Friday, so I can love on my neighbor Colleen's lil dog. She is real sweet and name Gingko, lol;) I also was invited to a pizza party for a "going away" party, and I went, thank goodness. It was fun, lots of laughter and about 30 people!

I do think I may see my doc, I'll call her tomorrow. I haven't wanted to take anything, but I had a very good reaction to some meds last year that seemed to be working, but after about 6 months, they were causing some side-effects I couldn't handle. So maybe I'll try something again from a regular doctor, we'll see.

Thanks much Debby:) ttys, denise;)
 

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