Why So Many Single Families?

VaughanJB

VaughanJB

Scrappy VIP
I steadfastly believe that the best upbringing is achieved by both parents being in the household. Children need both a nurturing mother, and father, working together.

Still, in the UK, 25% of families are single parent households. In the US there are 9.4m single parents. That breaks down to 7.3m Female parents, and 2.7 male led families. These numbers have been on the upswing for decades.

A decline in marriage (why?), increased divorce rates (why?), and just a plain upward swing of women having children on their own accounts for it.

We know that children coming from single parent homes and statistically more likely to commit crime. They get lower test scores, and can struggle with their emotions. This might seem obvious when you consider the strain they have grown up around.

Of course, it all comes down the quality of the parenting, and the opportunities provided. Not all single parent families are bad.

Is this trend a problem we should be addressing (somehow). Do you think it has affected society for the better, or worse? Do you think this trend will continue on?
 

The "why" is very obvious.

Addressing it will be a hard slog, just as it likely has been many times in human history. Archaeogeneticists tell us that humanity has almost died out several times, and for all we know some of those cases stemmed from the same root cause.

I'm not sure how this can be for the better. We're seeing the negative fruits of rampant single-parenting more every day it seems.

It will continue because of the distortions in human societies and legal systems around the world. At least until a serious crash brings it all down. Whether we (a.) repair this folly and (b.) survive it once more remain to be determined.

Ultimately though this is a topic likely to become more heated than modern politics.
 
What a sticky wicket. We all have opinions based on our own experience. Personally i believe providing women with free birth control and encouraging them to develop skills to ensure they can support themselves and their offspring is a win win. Education that translates to earning ability benefits families that are eith traditional or non traditional. Older first time parents who are prepared for children goes a long way .Same goes for men. Understanding the huge economic impact and preparing for such is vitally important.
 

While the traditional two-parent household has its advantages, it's important to recognize that family quality is not solely determined by structure. Many single parents provide loving, stable environments for their children. The focus should be on ensuring all families, regardless of structure, have the resources and support needed to thrive.
 
The "conversations" always seems to be directed to Women, birth control, and abortion, Nothing is ever said about the Men who "spread their seed" and refuse to accept responsibility for the children they "breed". Many of those kids wind up getting most of their education on the "street" and look at the drug and street gangs as their "heroes". Such men should be given a free Vasectomy if they want to breed like rabbits.

someone needs to pay for my 15 kids - Yahoo Video Search Results
 
Mating selection is almost entirely the choice of the woman. Pathological cases exist but these are very rare. Bad choices lead to bad outcomes. The question is really: Why are so many bad choices being made?

Good choices can also have bad outcomes if you insist on picking nits, but again focusing on rarities does nothing to discredit the far more common. You can find people 7 feet tall or more, it doesn't mean everyone or even most people are 7 feet tall. Stop playing games and face facts. Uncomfortable? Too damned bad.

69% of divorces are filed by women. This can be done on a whim under current law, and generally women substantially gain financially under current law.

40% of births now occur outside of marriage. Up from 28% in 1990.
 
IMO single parent families are head and shoulders above many of the traditional two parent homes that were more common in the past.

I recall many chaotic exchanges in my family and the families of other family members and friends that grew up in traditional families.

In many cases relationships matured with age and a selective memory made many of these couples great grandparents.

When it comes to sex, relationships, marriage, etc… people should never be afraid or judged for doing what seems best for them and their children.
 
The reason women are dumping dad and going solo is they can. Women can be earners, so they don't have to depend on the father's income. I'm not sure how much they get, but childcare laws help them maintain their kids. Whether the mom's income is sufficient to provide a quality lifestyle for the kids is questionable. Most of the time, a dad, living in the home, brings a sense of calm and safety. Of course, there are exceptions. Also, historically, when we were hunter gatherers. the women, children and elderly stayed at a home camp, while men went on hunting expeditions often over many days.
 
Last edited:
fuzzybuddy said:
The reason women are dumping dad and going solo is they can. Women can be earners, so they don't have to depend on the father's income. I'm not sure how much they get, but childcare laws help them maintain their kids. Whether the mom's income is sufficient to provide a quality lifestyle for the kids is questionable. Most of the time, a dad, living in the home, brings a sense of calm and safety. Of course, there are exceptions.
Click to expand...
Fuzz, you've sort of answered your own question. I enjoyed having a father because he was a decent man in most ways and gave me a better life than I would have had without him but this is not true for everyone. It's a question best answered in hindsight maybe?
 
Tersely, the rise of science, and technology, especially telecom communications during an era of excessive overpopulation in a competitive freely evolving economic capitalistic world with winners and losers, has severely changed traditional male and female interpersonal behaviors and relationships leading to chaos and societal problems.

Though civilizations began rising 8000 years ago, it is only now in recent decades due to world wide travel and telecommunication that vast numbers of very unequal humans, have suddenly been thrust into the same competitive pool. There are great differences between the in recent millennia evolved physical attractiveness of more aboriginal peoples that for thousands of years struggled to simply survive in their environments and those paupers in civilizations, versus those that have evolved in kingdom civilizations where powerful, wealthy overlords have selectively chosen their mates due to attractiveness, health, and intelligence.

Although raw mental intelligence abilities between ethnic groups may be reasonably similar if given situations growing up with equal opportunity, education, and culture, that ideal situation does not or has ever existed. Thus the differences between haves and have not, most attractive and those plain, those most highly intelligent and those average, have become greater due to natural selection genetic processes, so are now grating against each other.

Over several millennia within small groups, humans developed male/female monogenism with marriage for arguably stable societal reasons. But exposing healthy attractive young adults into a world with unlimited contacts with other adults A to Z, grates against innate human ability to withstand being naturally attracted to others even with monagenism taboos. Thus the immense rise in adultery, divorce, and addictive fantasy behaviors. Further exacerbating that is telecom media pounding everyone with images and constant life experiences of those most attractive. Additionally, females seek those males that can best provide for and support their offspring that may change during lifetimes due to economic and societal reasons making formerly capable male choices less so, leading to divorce.

Accidentally caused unwanted pregnancies happen too easily due to difficulty in stopping such when unprepared during the heat of passion and or lack of interest by significant numbers selfish men that do not care in media cultures that approve and celebrate the opposite. From that, unwanted pregnancies result. And dominant media continues to approve that change using pressures of political correctness.
 
Last edited:
VaughanJB said:
A decline in marriage (why?), increased divorce rates (why?), and just a plain upward swing of women having children on their own accounts for it.

We know that children coming from single parent homes and statistically more likely to commit crime. They get lower test scores, and can struggle with their emotions. This might seem obvious when you consider the strain they have grown up around.

Of course, it all comes down the quality of the parenting, and the opportunities provided. Not all single parent families are bad.

Is this trend a problem we should be addressing (somehow). Do you think it has affected society for the better, or worse? Do you think this trend will continue on?
Click to expand...
Times change, people change. My mother died in 1956 aged 34, I was a few weeks short of my tenth birthday, my three siblings were approximately three years apart, meaning that the youngest was just a baby. Short term contingency was made for the middle two who would stay with a relative until the baby reached school age. When that happened we all lived together with Dad being the wage earner, cook and bottle washer. It was a tough life.

Dad managed to raise us and bring each of us to adulthood. He lived to the age of 92, living with the third sibling and her family. We all missed mother and a mother's influence, but we also did our best to make Mother proud. I like to think that we are all achievers, none of us has had so much as a speeding fine let alone turn to crime. The one thing that really marks us out though, and I am sure it was the childhood experience, and that is our lack of children.
 
horseless carriage said:
Times change, people change. My mother died in 1956 aged 34, I was a few weeks short of my tenth birthday, my three siblings were approximately three years apart, meaning that the youngest was just a baby. Short term contingency was made for the middle two who would stay with a relative until the baby reached school age. When that happened we all lived together with Dad being the wage earner, cook and bottle washer. It was a tough life.

Dad managed to raise us and bring each of us to adulthood. He lived to the age of 92, living with the third sibling and her family. We all missed mother and a mother's influence, but we also did our best to make Mother proud. I like to think that we are all achievers, none of us has had so much as a speeding fine let alone turn to crime. The one thing that really marks us out though, and I am sure it was the childhood experience, and that is our lack of children.
Click to expand...

I'm glad it worked out so well in the end.

And yes, there are legit reasons for some single families. Domestic abuse, death of a partner, and a myriad list of abuses and health concerns can rob us of our partners. However, it's undeniable that alongside such tragedy are poor choices. It's 2024, so lack of knowledge is no longer an excuse. Women get pregnant, not men, so most of the burden falls on them.

The stigma is years passed is gone. That's a good thing, since there's nothing to do but get on with it. Still, having a single parent likely means you'll be living close to the poverty line. And the numbers suggest these aren't all single mothers with one child. At least some are multiple kids. I've just watched a series of videos about dating - and few men on there would be willing to date a mother with young kids in tow.
 
I know a number of people whose daughters are single moms. Fortunately, they are the kind of people who will step in and help with the child. Some have now stepped in and are helping with a grandchild or two. Or three!

But, if the parents can’t or won’t help, the young gal is often on her own. TV shows that show women happily and efficiently raising a child alone are preaching a lie. It’ not nearly that easy. Shame on them for giving gals a false impression about parenthood.
 
I was unhappy in my second marriage but had 3 children so put up with a bossy controlling husband. I went to college and obtained a career so that when my kids were grown I could leave. If there had been physical abuse I would have left sooner.

I also didn’t disagree with my husband so my kids weren’t stressed out. They didn’t experience any fighting. I wanted them to have a good childhood. I put my kids first and I would do it again.
 
I think it is good that women are not trapped in marriage any more - divorce isn't the stigma it once was and women are not trapped by financial dependence.
Likewise single mothers are not coerced into giving up babies for adoption.

Whilst I think the ideal is 2 parent loving families, I also think many children are better off if parents separate - growing up with abuse or even just marital conflict and happiness, isn't good for anyone.

I don't think blame or shame helps anyone.
 
In Celtic society, when people lived in close communities, it was normal for men and women to have brief relationships. The children resulting stayed with their mothers but the fathers would acknowledge the children and be responsible for their welfare. So, what is happening now is actually more natural than marriage.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I also didn’t disagree with my husband so my kids weren’t stressed out. They didn’t experience any fighting. I wanted them to have a good childhood. I put my kids first and I would do it again.
Click to expand...

An interesting comment. This showed you were willing to make sacrifices. Real sacrifices putting your own happiness second to your children's. I have the feeling women aren't willing to do this any more. Personal comes before the mothering.
 
Lavinia said:
In Celtic society, when people lived in close communities, it was normal for men and women to have brief relationships. The children resulting stayed with their mothers but the fathers would acknowledge the children and be responsible for their welfare. So, what is happening now is actually more natural than marriage.
Click to expand...

Hm, except a lot of men don't stand beside their offspring. There is no good gender in this situation, imo. Women could do better, men could also do better. Seems as though too few are willing to make the sacrifice Teacher Terry did. At some point, I wish people would realize that the decision to have kids means de-prioritizing yourself.
 
LoveTulips said:
If there is abuse in the marriage , totally understand, leave your marriage. But I think couples today don't try hard enough to stay together anymore.
Click to expand...

I understand your point but. IMO couples shouldn't have to try all that 'hard' to stay together. Again opinion but, couples are either meant to be together or they are not. Someone earlier mentioned 'choices' [good or bad] in picking a mate. I believe that is bottom line. Now, how does one choose the better mate ? I have no idea. I am divorced [52 yrs now] my father was married three times, my mother six times. ..... Point being, they sure as hell didn't know, as such they did not impart that knowledge to me ...... :rolleyes:

My 1/2 sister I think got it right . Her first husband was killed in Vietnam , she remarried and has remained with second now 54 years.
 
Hello. I'm new here, but I thought I'd weigh in on this topic, since it's the internet. :)

Some stats I just read about single women. Some 25% of households in the U.S. are single parent homes as @VaughanJB mentioned about England. That in itself is concerning since a traditional two parent family is ideal unless there is abuse. What's worse, though, is that some 30% of single mothers live below the poverty line.

Poverty sucks. It often leads to child abuse, crime, growing up in bad, crime ridden neighborhoods, bad schools, and little chance to break out of poverty — not to mention the drain on public services and entitlement programs. The kids are screwed through no fault of their own.

Personally, I think it's better to be from a solid middle class single parent household than a poor two parent household.
 
I was out shopping the other day, and I could hear a woman's voice shouting very loudly at her son who was enjoying himself on the kids play area. Her voice was very loud, and I thought she might be going through a bad time at home and taking it out on him. They then went into a
The Reject Shop which sells discount goods. Next minute I heard her say to him "I wish you were dead". I was flabbergasted on hearing this, and another woman looked at me shocked. I felt so bad that I didn't reprimand her being so cruel. The other lady said to me "You might be taking on more that you expect". I wonder how many times she says this to him? I don't believe there are delinquent children, only delinquent parents who treat their kids so cruelly.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top