How alone are you?

Old Dummy said:
I'm new here, nice to "meet" you all! I'm enjoying life such that it is, in reasonably good health, although I would like a woman in my life somehow.
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Welcome! You mean there are no single women in that small town that you can have a ''friend with benefits'' relationship with, or you don't want people to know about it? One of the many things I don't like about small towns is that everybody knows your business, and I'm very big on privacy, although the other side of the coin is that if they don't see you they know something is wrong and will come to help (you're not invisible). Good luck!
 

PVC said:
Welcome! You mean there are no single women in that small town that you can have a ''friend with benefits'' relationship with, or you don't want people to know about it? One of the many things I don't like about small towns is that everybody knows your business, and I'm very big on privacy, although the other side of the coin is that if they don't see you they know something is wrong and will come to help (you're not invisible). Good luck!
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Thanks for the kind note. :)

I wouldn't care who did or didn't know if I had a GF, nothing like that. It's more of a medical problem. :(
 
Oldal, I am in the process of reading this tread and really wanted to reply to your post. I have only been on one other forum, it was for people with spinal problems; and a lot of them were alone. They felt family and friends had left because of their disabilities and/or chronic pain conditions. I saw it differently.

Which is why I want to know why do you stay in your room 90% of the time? They live in YOUR house with YOU! I am somewhat house bound. My doctors perfer I don't drive and I have enough sense to not drive when I am not well enough. But if my family lived in my house with my husband and me, lol, I would so be in their face!

The multi generation gap should be in your favor, especially with the children. Drag out the old photos, show them to the kids, tell the old stories, use the salty language if you want. Since these are great grandchildren, the parents must be grandchildren (?). They should be grateful to you for the living space-rent is horrendous and hard to find a place to take 4 children.

Insert yourself into their lives! Watch tv with them, eat meals with them, ask them to take you out, if you want to go out. How on earth did you end up in your room? Please don't spend the rest of your life in your room. Believe me when I say you could get a perfectly nice family of strangers to move in, include you in their lives, and do what your family does for you.

Now this is easy for me to say and hard for you to do. I don't know you, the complete situation or the family situation. But try and start small if you want. Include yourself. Cause they may be thinking since you never join in, you don't like them. Also, try to have a conversation about how you'd like to be included. I'll will keep you in my thoughts!
 

Old Dummy said:
The biggest negative in my life right now is estate planning. I hate all of it; it is the worst thing I've had to do in my life. So far, nothing has really been done.
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You stated that you are legally divorced and have no kids, so estate planning (if necessary) or simply writing your own will should suffice. There are plenty of sites that will gladly help in figuring out what's best for you. If you have any special interest groups that you want to leave something to, or you have pets that need to be taken care of after you have passed then simply put that in writing. It may be a good idea to have someone sign your will as a witness.
 
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I read this entire thread and found it terribly interesting. The subject was "How alone are you?". Most people who live alone responded. I actually expected more responses, as well, from people in my situation-socially isolated. I live with a husband who still works and spends a lot of time alone with his dog in his room. I suspects he likes the dog more than me.

I am technically, not alone. Maybe I shouldn't post here. But then again I feel alone so maybe I should. At least I am left alone a great deal of the time. I am pretty sure, for most of the time, I don't like either of them-the husband or the dog.

I don't/can't drive much anymore. I wanted to live in an apartment and finally convinced him to sell the house and move. There was just enough social interaction to suit me just fine. Three months later, he bought another house. A very large house, he's on one floor-I'm on another. We live separate lives. He socializes at work. Everyone is younger in the neighborhood, everyone works, I am alone, again.

I just bought a new puppy to interact with. I play a computer game, I watch a lot of TV, read a little, genealogy research, organize my photos, and try to fill my day as much as possible when I am well enough. I interact with my children as much as I can through texting. They both have busy lives.

Once a month I have the entire family over for lunch. Depending on their schedule, 10 to 15 of them show up.

But I am alone.
 
I test 100% extravert (Jung's spelling). I'm always alone, even in a crowd. My father, as crazy and manipulative as we was, was my only family. I have a small family now consisting of my Gf and her daughter, who calls me "dad". My GF is different than I. We have fun when I do the things she wants to do, because I'm easily entertained. However, she refuses to do the things I like. My daughter doesn't like to board game, but she's a Dungeon Master online. I'm not invited, as I'm too old, and I'm dad.

I've been an absurdist (that's a nihilist who grins and bears it) all my life. So, my points of view clash with almost everyone. I'm also very sensitive, so I'm considered too effeminate by men. Women are too busy with their schemes to hang out, but many will talk to me for a while.

I do bond with the 7 cats here. They need and give a lot of love.
 
Trade said:
I test 100% introvert. So that explains a lot. :)
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I don't know if I'm 100% introvert, but I'm close to it. Where is this test, can you give me the link?
Nihil, are you sure you mean extrovert, you sound like an introvert? You said, "I'm always alone, even in a crowd."
 
I think in general people know what they are and how they interact with other people and the world. Taking tests just more or less is interesting to confirm what they already know about themselves. I took the Myers Briggs test at work in my early 30's and I doubt that I have changed much. But I'm going to go dig it out from one of my boxes of things to remember exactly what the result was.
 
MannyGT said:
You stated that you are legally divorced and have no kids, so estate planning (if necessary) or simply writing your own will should suffice. There are plenty of sites that will gladly help in figuring out what's best for you. If you have any special interest groups that you want to leave something to, or you have pets that need to be taken care of after you have passed then simply put that in writing. It may be a good idea to have someone sign your will as a witness.
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I wish it were that easy. The problems won't come after I croak, but before. I need to burden someone with being a health-care proxy and power-of-attorney. This burden could go on for years -- all depending on my health and whether I die quickly or not. Then there has to be an executor to see that things go as they should after I croak. Even when it's all laid out legal and proper with an attorney there can be gigantic problems.

If I was a bum this would all be SO easy. But that's not the case. :(
 
Heh, introvert/extrovert. Never paid any attention to those terms til a friend told me a few years ago that I was an introvert. I read a couple of books about it and yes indeed, I am a classic case.

Contrary to some posts above, from what I read nobody is 100% one way or the other.
 
I guess on the "other" end of the spectrum. I live completely alone, not by choice, but circumstance. I ended a difficult marriage and moved to another state, where for many years, I felt like an outsider. I've had a couple of difficult relationships during this time, but as of now - nothing. I do have one close friend, but would like to have a few more. Being an introvert, it's hard for me to put myself into social situations, other than church.
 
I became a widow 3 months ago. But I have family that I'm very close to. My son, DIL, my son's ex, my grandchildren, sister, nieces and nephew all live within a mile or few miles away. My sister has family dinners and cookouts often and my husband and I used to go a few times a year. I will continue to go, of course. We also get together to go shopping and do lunch. I see my son and grandchildren enough that I don't feel alone. I have friends that call me...one is actually my best online friend who calls a couple of times a week, as well as keeping up on Facebook. I call her my Li'l Sis. My BFF is busy touring but manages to keep up with me, especially during the time my husband was so ill and after he passed. I'm very close to my DIL and my son's ex...they are like real daughters to me. Also I have a couple of neighbor friends I chat with occasionally. The loneliest thing I face is that I want someone to travel with, at least sometimes and everyone is either busy working, are ailing or cannot afford it.
 
Just reread this post. My husband will be gone a year in 3 weeks, I’ll make it, I’m sure of it. I stay busy, have some wonderful friends but they have their own lives and husbands, etc. I find myself only buying groceries for a couple of days just so I can do something, that is to get out of the house and go somewhere. I’m still walking, every single day. That’s my therapy, per se, know every dog in the neighborhood and their owners enough to say hi to, though I realize I enjoy the dogs more than most the owners. I go to lunch at least once every 10 days with various friends and with a husband/wife couple to happy hour. The wife loves it because her husband has someone new (me) to tell his stories she’s heard a million times already. Nights are still scary to me, why, I don’t know. I’ve managed quite a bit of travel adventures, all were ok, I proved to myself I could do it and currently that’s what matters. My dating life is zero, but I’ve convinced myself when it happens, it happens. All in due time I guess. I’m viewing this phase of my life a new phase. First phase was me the kid living with my parents, second phase was me, my husbands wife and now i’m in the old(ish) lady alone phase. My youngest daughter has been wonderful, beyond wonderful. I’m contemplating driving to Scottsdale alone from Seattle but I don’t know......yea, I could fly as I usually do, just want to prove to myself yes, I can do this too. My eldest daughter, who still hates me, has yet to reach out, I’m glad in a way, less drama in my life right now.
Life goes on, I can jump on the merry go round and make the best of it all or be unhappy the rest of my days.
 
debbie in seattle said:
Thanks everyone, absolutely agree about no decisions for at least a year. I have friends and go and do, but in the back of my mind is always, “What do I do when I get home, I’m alone again.” Intellectually, I know that’s stupid, can’t have someone with me 24x7. Nights are the absolutely the worse!!!! Not emotionally ready for volunteering for anything right now. JUST WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. I was all for getting a dog, but now have poopoo’d that, can’t even think about a goldfish.
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We share so much Debbie....I could have written your post.
 
I have been divorced for 25 years and have lived alone for many of those years except for those that my son still lived at home. I do have times that I feel somewhat alone, but I do keep myself quite active in many things including making myself a regular at the gym for workouts and swimming. During this time I have met the company of men who have been in my position and a few of these men I have struck up conversations with I have even gone out on dates with and have kept company with. So I suppose I am such a busy body and quite the out going "Type A " personality that I search out people for company if I need it. So I really haven't had that much time during my divorced years where I have really felt alone.
 
Home Alone

I was fine living alone with only one relative and one friend in this area
until a recent accident when I was incapacitated and the friend was
out of the state and the relative tied up with a sick spouse requiring
hospitalization, and I realized I should have made more social friends.
Can anyone recommend a good friendship site for seniors where you
can meet others in your region? I'm in Indiana in the U.S.
 

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