Do you have a gay family member?

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Glinda

Senior Member
How do you feel about him/her? Have you and the other family members accepted his/her sexuality? Would you change this person if you could? I'd like to know your experience because I have a brother who is gay. I wouldn't change one thing about him. He's my best friend and I love him.
 

My son is gay, I absolutely love and respect him, and categorically reject any notion that there is anything "wrong" with him.

you can't pray away the gay, being gay is not a 'choice'. I don't have any contact with his mother, but I know her to be rigid in her views, and the word "tolorence" is not in her vocabulary. Everyone else in the family accepts him, without reservation.
 
Oh, yes indeedy. One I haven't seen in years because she doesn't have much to do with the family (her choice, not the family's) and the other one is my cousin who I love dearly but can't be around much....not because of his sexual orientation but because he's nuttier than a fruitcake (no pun intended....) and has had several brushes with the law.
 

Yes, my eldest son is gay. We've always had a good relationship and he's known from a very early age that he wasn't going to have any problem with his parents or for that matter from his grand parents. I'm sure he's experienced difficulties because of his orientation, but I can take solace in knowing that he has always known that he was completely accepted and loved by everyone in his family. His partner who comes from a large Midwestern family has similarly had no acceptance problems.
 
I really don't know.

I suppose there are a couple cousins who may be, but I don't discuss either my sexual preference or their sexual preference with them. If I were to find out that they were gay it would make no difference and I really couldn't care less-it's their business. I wouldn't treat them any differently than I do right now.
 
After my middle son passed away, a few years ago, I found out he was gay. It would not have changed my love for him if I did know previously. His brothers were aware of it and accepted him as he was.
 
Glinda said:
How do you feel about him/her? Have you and the other family members accepted his/her sexuality? Would you change this person if you could? I'd like to know your experience because I have a brother who is gay. I wouldn't change one thing about him. He's my best friend and I love him.
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I don't think I would ever stop loving my brother no matter what he did, or didn't do. Love is not conditional, or it shouldn't be imo. If you love someone, it's without expectation, or conditions like, ok I'll love you as long as this or that.
 
ndynt said:
After my middle son passed away, a few years ago, I found out he was gay. It would not have changed my love for him if I did know previously. His brothers were aware of it and accepted him as he was.
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Please don't feel I am offering any judgement, but weren't you hurt by the fact that your son chose to keep this secret from you. Have you speculated why he wouldn't reveal this important fact to his mother?
 
My eldest granddaughter is gay. She is 20. Right now she is kind of a mess though-doing drugs and really struggling. Nobody has a problem with her being gay but she is battling some kind of demons...
 
I have a nephew who is gay. My sister has very strict religious beliefs, I am uncertain if her sect likes anyone, but they believe gay people are possessed. I raised my nephew along with my son and love him just as much. I wouldn't change a thing about him, he is a marvelous human being who works with doctors without borders. My sister? We haven't spoken in fifteen years, apparently I too am possessed and bound for Dante's Inferno. Strange, I am a happy person, and she, emphatically, is not. Hmmm.
 
Josiah said:
Please don't feel I am offering any judgement, but weren't you hurt by the fact that your son chose to keep this secret from you. Have you speculated why he wouldn't reveal this important fact to his mother?
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Why would someone who is gay need to discuss their sexual preference with parents? Why not simply do like the majority of people and keep what happens in their bedroom between them and their partner? I can't imagine the parents of a heterosexual person being hurt by their children not discussing their sexual preference, why should someone who is gay and their parents be held to a double standard? Doesn't that inherently make them "different" if everything they do is done to a different standard?
 
I don't think there are any gay family members, but if there were, it would not make any difference with me.

Shalimar, you are to be commended for raising your nephew with love and respect.
 
DoItMyself said:
Why would someone who is gay need to discuss their sexual preference with parents? Why not simply do like the majority of people and keep what happens in their bedroom between them and their partner? I can't imagine the parents of a heterosexual person being hurt by their children not discussing their sexual preference, why should someone who is gay and their parents be held to a double standard? Doesn't that inherently make them "different" if everything they do is done to a different standard?
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Because being gay isn't just about sex. They fall in love with people of the same sex. Of course they would want to tell their parents. They would most likely want their S/O to be a significant part of his/her family life. What if they got married? Should they also keep that a secret?
 
Ameriscot said:
Because being gay isn't just about sex. They fall in love with people of the same sex. Of course they would want to tell their parents. They would most likely want their S/O to be a significant part of his/her family life. What if they got married? Should they also keep that a secret?
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Very well put Ameriscot. . . and to which I might add that the normal course of growing up for a gay boy includes the coming to terms with and admitting to oneself that he is gay. This as you might guess is a big emotional deal since before this admission the gay boy goes though a very uncomfortable period of wondering if he is living a lie about his sexual identity.

And there's no saying as DoItMyself seems to think that ones sexual identity even for a very young child isn't a very important part of who they are. After coming out to himself a gay boy continues to act toward his friends and parents as if he is a "normal" straight boy. This I've been told is not a comfortable state to live in because it forbids you to be who you are to the important people around you. So whether they (the parents and close family) like it, it constitutes a very important rite of passage for gay boys and men to "come out" to their family. I have been speaking here only about male children, but the situation is quite similar for girls and women although they tend to be more readily accepted and so the whole process is less fraught with angst.
 
Josiah said:
Very well put Ameriscot. . . and to which I might add that the normal course of growing up for a gay boy includes the coming to terms with and admitting to oneself that he is gay. This as you might guess is a big emotional deal since before this admission the gay boy goes though a very uncomfortable period of wondering if he is living a lie about his sexual identity. And there's no saying as DoItMyself seems to think that ones sexual identity even for a very young child isn't a very important part of who they are. After coming out to himself a gay boy continues to act toward his friends and parents as if he is a "normal" straight boy. This I've been told is not a comfortable state to live in because it forbids you to be who you are to the important people around you. So whether they (the parents and close family) like it, it constitutes a very important rite of passage for gay boys and men to "come out" to their family. I have been speaking here only about male children, but the situation is quite similar for girls and women although they tend to be more readily accepted and so the whole process is less fraught with angst.
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Exactly. It's important to be able to talk to parents about the feelings when a child/teen realizes they are gay.
 
Glinda said:
How do you feel about him/her? Have you and the other family members accepted his/her sexuality? Would you change this person if you could? I'd like to know your experience because I have a brother who is gay. I wouldn't change one thing about him. He's my best friend and I love him.
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Not that I'm aware of, but if I did, it wouldn't make any difference at all to me, I'd love and respect them regardless...certainly would never try to change anyone, why would someone feel compelled to do such a thing? Over the years I've had a couple of gay friends and they were both wonderful people.
 
When ever this subject comes up, I think back to the Seinfeld episode dealing with the gay thing. When the show was punctuated by "not that there's anything wrong with that!"
 
DoItMyself said:
Why would someone who is gay need to discuss their sexual preference with parents? Why not simply do like the majority of people and keep what happens in their bedroom between them and their partner? I can't imagine the parents of a heterosexual person being hurt by their children not discussing their sexual preference, why should someone who is gay and their parents be held to a double standard? Doesn't that inherently make them "different" if everything they do is done to a different standard?
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I agree with this, totally. I think part of today's problems are some things are not kept to ourselves, or shared with a professional if we feel we have a need to discuss problems in the bedroom, or with our mate (first with our mate). I guess I think of that saying "nothing is sacred anymore".
 
nwlady said:
I agree with this, totally. I think part of today's problems are some things are not kept to ourselves, or shared with a professional if we feel we have a need to discuss problems in the bedroom, or with our mate (first with our mate). I guess I think of that saying "nothing is sacred anymore".
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So you are saying you should hide who you are from your parents and let them wonder why you never bring home a boyfriend/girlfriend or get married? Why should you have to hide the fact that you are in love with someone of the same sex? You wouldn't hide the fact that you are in love with someone of the opposite sex.

Again, being gay is not just about sex any more than being straight is.

Why would you say 'problems in the bedroom'? Nobody said it was a problem.
 
Ameriscot said:
So you are saying you should hide who you are from your parents and let them wonder why you never bring home a boyfriend/girlfriend or get married? Why should you have to hide the fact that you are in love with someone of the same sex? You wouldn't hide the fact that you are in love with someone of the opposite sex.

Again, being gay is not just about sex any more than being straight is.

Why would you say 'problems in the bedroom'? Nobody said it was a problem.
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I absolutely agree.. and you've put it very well. If one of my sons were gay, I would still want to be involved in his life. That would mean knowing and loving his chosen mate, being involved with grandchildren, and any and every occasion families celebrate. I would hate to be denied this.. or to deny my son this because of my bigotry. It would be such a loss for everyone.
 
I do not believe anyone should be compelled to be silent about sexuality to make us more comfortable.
 

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