Choosing to be happy? A question for you.

After all this talk about joy, contentment, and happiness, I was doing so well, and just after I got into bed last night, I checked my text messages, as I do every night. I had put in a request for a prescription refill from my doctor early in the day. They had some easy to use, one click link at their site for a prescription refill from the clinic, which I couldn't use because the information in their data base was incorrect. So I had to write a request and explain why I couldn't use their easy to use internet method.

So the text message I received late at night was from a pharmacy I don't use, and it informed me that my prescription was ready. The dosage was wrong, the prescription was written by a doctor I no longer see, and in addition, it should have been faxed to a pharmacy in Canada where I can save $400 a year on that particular prescription.

Now Mr. Contentment Me, got furious out of proportion to the screw up, partly because I've had problems with their data several times before, and partly for reasons I don't fully understand. I was going to have to call my doctor, and straighten it out today. The problem was not my doctor's fault, and we have both tried to make corrections in the information, but the system seems to keep defaulting back to the out of date information. And during this incident I kept telling myself I needed to get a grip, and that I was being irrational. I remained in a stew for probably 15 minutes until it passed.

But at 7:30 this morning I got a call from my doctor's assistant, who had already figured out on her own that things had gone south. We had a most pleasant conversation, and she was so thoughtful, sweet, and on top of things, and I never had to call and explain because she called me first and she understood why the foul up happened without me explaining. I felt silly about my angry reaction the night before, although I never let her know how bad I had lost it over the incident.

Like happiness, contentment is not a constant even if negative emotions might be a rarity. We can still have a bad day or a bad hour in a day, and we can even blow things out of proportion, but still fix things when we want.
 

I just try to keep things in perspective.

Try to not lose sight of the fact that there are a lot of people who've got things much worse than me.

Counting my blessings, as trite as it sounds, also helps.

I've always been a pretty positive person, but sometimes things just get to me and I have to force myself to "toughen up".
 
chic said:
Can we really choose to be happy or is it more a choice to put things in perspective and choose not to react to bad things? This time of year makes me reflect on things like this. When I make a conscious choice to be happier, some disaster always befalls me. Has this ever happened to you? It's like a curse or something.

But what we can do is try not to react to the negative things that happen by blowing them out of proportion.

I'm not making a New Year's resolution but I would like to become a happier person. What do you think?
Click to expand...
I choose to be a happy person!!!

It's not easy. Mostly, it's about how you react to various situations.

What also helps me, is a VERY strong belief that everything has a purpose. I may not like it, or understand it, but it is the way it is supposed to be. Or, as I often say "it is what it is".

Basically, it's accepting that the only thing you can change is yourself.

*******
Another thing that has helped me is identifying things that fall into the category of "expectations".

First, I try to not have expectations of other people.

Second, I do not attempt to comply to other peoples expectations.

I have found that letting go of expectations has been a big help in being a happy person.

*******

Good luck! šŸ˜˜
 
Have not been able to substain being happy, had a hard nov.and dec., I will see how Jan. goes, went to a viewing last night , my wife's neice age 9 died in her sleep, why she died I don't know, they are waiting on the resuilts now , we were close to her, I always think if that bullet, had just gone a little bit futher in the back of my head, I would not be worried ,or have the problems I have today. Hope everyone has peace , and love for the New Year
 

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JustDave said:
...

Like happiness, contentment is not a constant even if negative emotions might be a rarity. We can still have a bad day or a bad hour in a day, and we can even blow things out of proportion, but still fix things when we want.
Click to expand...

I find value in telling myself "This too shall pass". It applies to every moment of our lives, good and bad.

On the other hand, pain meds help a lot when mind over matter fails.
 
MrJim said:
I just try to keep things in perspective.

Try to not lose sight of the fact that there are a lot of people who've got things much worse than me.

Counting my blessings, as trite as it sounds, also helps.

I've always been a pretty positive person, but sometimes things just get to me and I have to force myself to "toughen up".
Click to expand...

:) Me too. I believe that self-pity is the scourge of humanity, and that I must never allow it inside my head.
 
JustDave said:
After all this talk about joy, contentment, and happiness, I was doing so well, and just after I got into bed last night, I checked my text messages, as I do every night. I had put in a request for a prescription refill from my doctor early in the day. They had some easy to use, one click link at their site for a prescription refill from the clinic, which I couldn't use because the information in their data base was incorrect. So I had to write a request and explain why I couldn't use their easy to use internet method.

So the text message I received late at night was from a pharmacy I don't use, and it informed me that my prescription was ready. The dosage was wrong, the prescription was written by a doctor I no longer see, and in addition, it should have been faxed to a pharmacy in Canada where I can save $400 a year on that particular prescription.

Now Mr. Contentment Me, got furious out of proportion to the screw up, partly because I've had problems with their data several times before, and partly for reasons I don't fully understand. I was going to have to call my doctor, and straighten it out today. The problem was not my doctor's fault, and we have both tried to make corrections in the information, but the system seems to keep defaulting back to the out of date information. And during this incident I kept telling myself I needed to get a grip, and that I was being irrational. I remained in a stew for probably 15 minutes until it passed.

But at 7:30 this morning I got a call from my doctor's assistant, who had already figured out on her own that things had gone south. We had a most pleasant conversation, and she was so thoughtful, sweet, and on top of things, and I never had to call and explain because she called me first and she understood why the foul up happened without me explaining. I felt silly about my angry reaction the night before, although I never let her know how bad I had lost it over the incident.

Like happiness, contentment is not a constant even if negative emotions might be a rarity. We can still have a bad day or a bad hour in a day, and we can even blow things out of proportion, but still fix things when we want.
Click to expand...
When I was still working, sometimes someone would ask: Are you having a good day?"

My answer was: "I always have a good day! I might have bad moments, but the day is always good!"
 
chic said:
Can we really choose to be happy or is it more a choice to put things in perspective and choose not to react to bad things? This time of year makes me reflect on things like this. When I make a conscious choice to be happier, some disaster always befalls me. Has this ever happened to you? It's like a curse or something.

But what we can do is try not to react to the negative things that happen by blowing them out of proportion.

I'm not making a New Year's resolution but I would like to become a happier person. What do you think?
Click to expand...
Happiness is an emotion which is a reaction to happenings in life.

You can tell yourself that you are happy, then a friend dies and the emotion of sadness takes over. That is just being human. The most miserable people I know are those that claim to be happy. The proverbial sad but laughing clown is a good example. Johnny Rivers sang about it, "Baby take a good look at this face, this smile is way out of place, look closer and you can trace the tracks of my tears."

I think we all need some control over our emotions, but not to the point of becoming less human and more robotic. I have never said I am going to be happy today regardless of what happens. That is foolish based on my experience.

Here are some things I live by:

1. Grieve when necessary, but never become morbid. Morbidity kills the soul.
2. Rejoice when an occasion warrants, but don't party into a stupor. Stupors kill the soul.
3. Work hard and efficient. Laziness and inefficiency kills the soul.
4. Never procrastinate. Small things become large. This expansion kills the soul.
5. Don't start climbing a mountain if you don't intend to reach the peak. Planned failure kills the soul.
6. Don't become impatient over others ignorance. Impatience over others ignorance kills the soul.
7. Don't use fowl language unnecessarily. Cussing like poultry kills the soul.

Have you ever thought of all the unhappiness and suffering of the people that climbed high mountains to build monasteries so Monks could find peace and happiness?

8. Don't sacrifice your happiness for others. It builds resentment and kills the soul.

Have a great 2025
It's good to be alive
May you all thrive
 
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Agreeing with @JustDave , @CallMeKate re contentment vs happiness. I don't strive for happiness because it's ephemeral ...and don't get me started on how stupid I think it is that "the pursuit of happiness" is included in the founding document of a nation.

Contentment, mindfullness, gratitude are states of mind I actively seek. Happiness and joy are emotions that sometimes accompany those states of mind but neither are realistically sustainable.
 
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Sunny said:
If we want to be happier, probably the best way to do it is to find the things in our lives that make us happy, and pursue those things. But that's different from choosing to be happy. If we are choosing the right paths of thinking, the right activities, the right friends, and so on, probably our level of happiness will go up.
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I think that's some of the best advice.

Plus I know that at least several SF members have learned, and practice, a method of autogenic deep relaxation. It's something that resets a person's physiology for more harmonious functioning.
 
One thing we can do to be happier is to show gratitude for the good things in our lives.

Personally, I'm grateful that I'm retired and no longer have to deal with a-holes on a regular basis. I know they're still out there since I read the news every day, but I no longer have to deal with any of them in order to earn a living.

Actually, one of the last freelance projects I worked on was contracted by an a-hole. I had my suspicions when we first talked on the phone, but I agreed to work on the project because one of my regular customers asked me to. But after it was confirmed that he was, indeed, an a-hole, I sent an email to him telling him I changed my mind and wasn't going to work on his project.

That's one of the nice things about working for yourself; you can choose who you work with. I could, anyway.
 
I seldom just sit still and meditate. I did that when I was younger. I graduated from that to Tai Chi using my own mantras with each move. I do my Tai Chi every morning and it makes me feel calm and healthy. I do moves that bring focus on being female and finding unrealized strength. That gives me both physical and mental strength and brings about a warm wave of happiness.

Today, on this fine morning, with my three quarters century old body and this century approaching a quarter in the rear, I will go forth a mean, lean, sassy bad burro mama despite any besmirchment that may befall me. :LOL:
 
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SamiD said:
Happiness is an emotion which is a reaction to happenings in life.

You can tell yourself that you are happy, then a friend dies and the emotion of sadness takes over. That is just being human. The most miserable people I know are those that claim to be happy. The proverbial sad but laughing clown is a good example. Johnny Rivers sang about it, "Baby take a good look at this face, this smile is way out of place, look closer and you can trace the tracks of my tears."

I think we all need some control over our emotions, but not to the point of becoming less human and more robotic. I have never said I am going to be happy today regardless of what happens. That is foolish based on my experience.

Here are some things I live by:

1. Grieve when necessary, but never become morbid. Morbidity kills the soul.
2. Rejoice when an occasion warrants, but don't party into a stupor. Stupors kill the soul.
3. Work hard and efficient. Laziness and inefficiency kills the soul.
4. Never procrastinate. Small things become large. This expansion kills the soul.
5. Don't start climbing a mountain if you don't intend to reach the peak. Planned failure kills the soul.
6. Don't become impatience over others ignorance. Impatience over others ignorance kills the soul.
7. Don't use fowl language unnecessarily. Cussing like poultry kills the soul.

Have you ever thought of all the unhappiness and suffering of the people that climbed high mountains to build monasteries so Monks could find peace and happiness?

8. Don't sacrifice your happiness for others. It builds resentment and kills the soul.

Have a great 2025
It's good to be alive
May you all thrive
Click to expand...
Good Advice.
 
i'm going to try and be brief:

Interesting responses. Clearly we don't even all agree on meanings of words like happiness, joy, contentment...so semantics is an issue in trying to talk about this.

Just as nobody (with any sense at least) expects life to always be/seem FAIR, one can't expect to be happy all the time. Every living thing---including the other animals insects and plants have good days and bad, unfulfilled wants and even basic needs unmet. This incarnate, physical life is not meant be perfect, or lived in one mental/emotional state at all times.

As @SamiD pointed out there are times when emotions other than happiness/joy are called for--they can range from stubbing our toes to witnessing or being a target of injustice to the death of loved one. How we respond to the events of our life, set the tone for our life and can help us restore mental/emotional balance when something blindsides us.

Oh and the words we use even to ourselves matter: Whether we label an unpleasant event a 'setback', a grief or a 'catastrophe' makes a difference in our equilibrium. Positive thinking however is not about ignoring or denying the 'bad' stuff or trying to manufacture silver linings around the storm clouds. Positive thinking is about trusting you've acquired the tools (in our age cohort---i'd hope most of us have tho i know some people get terribly stuck in trauma responses) to get thru the bad stuff, weather the storms.

Part of that is recognizing, acknowledging the problems and figuring out what if anything can be done--or if you just need to feel what you feel fully so it becomes a done deal. Grief, in my experience never fully passes, it morphs, it ebbs and flows.

Oh, and the question about being happier in childhood? While there were some 'idyllic' aspects to my childhood there are some major obstacles to my being able to say i was happier then. My Mother was extremely emotionally needy (understandable once i learned more about how her mother was), my Dad and Sisters all had various issues (the details of which i didn't know till got older) but being highly empathic i felt their stresses. There were times my sisters actually pushed me to try and play peacemaker when our parents were arguing (between ages of 5-8 yrs), the task weighed on me, if i failed--then everyone else in the family unhappy with me.

In my teens, post the break up of the family my mother was always saying 'I just want you to be happy'. i was almost 30 when i realized what she meant is she wanted me to live HER idea of a happy life---she never thought in terms of what i wanted/needed to be happy. While we all need some kind of love in our lives, and hope for some peace--ask 100 people what that looks like to them--and you'll probably get 100 answers with only the general basic survival needs being met showing up for all.
 
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I like the Sadhguru person on YouTube for videos about increasing happiness, he's usually a little funny. But I personally just don't find it doable to meditate or anything quiet and blissful for more than a few seconds of time.

 
HoneyNut said:
I like the Sadhguru person on YouTube for videos about increasing happiness, he's usually a little funny. But I personally just don't find it doable to meditate or anything quiet and blissful for more than a few seconds of time.

Click to expand...
I enjoy Sadhguru too! In my experience a sense of humor is common in spiritual people.

There are different types of meditation like transcendental, Silva Method (the formal training in it i had), but it boils down to a kind of self hypnosis in a way. FMRI studies have shown that generally it involves alpha brainwaves. Some prayer and religious practices can produce similar states.
 

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