Aneeda72
Well-known Member
I don’t have no clue as to what you are talking about, and I am confused. Are you saying your son became a drug addict because he was intimidated by you and/or you did something to him?Well said.
I've had to make some very tough choices regarding my recovering addict son. I never loved him less, but distancing myself became necessary more than once.
How are you doing this morning @Shalimar?
I admire your determination to maintain your boundaries, to not be disrespected, and to detach when necessary. I know first hand how difficult that is....and for me, it's so much harder with my children than any other interpersonal relationship.
"He is averse to apologies,somewhat arrogant, very stubborn. He tends to think he has the answers without actually hearing the questions. We no longer fight, things were pleasant, however, I refuse to participate in a relationship which still lacks compassion. However reasonable he seemed to have become in other ways, that is the bottom line for me. Love is about, respect, trust, compassion, not heartbreak. He can wallow in being right, according to his lights. I choose peace and self respect at whatever the cost. No one controls the narrative of my life"
I find your description of your son fascinating. There are aspects to your description that remind me of a situation I had with someone who has since become a friend, but at the outset she seemed arrogant, almost rude, prickly etc. A fellow dancer, she was barely an acquaintance so it didn't trouble me overly much. But we saw each other in a group setting at least once a week, if not more often. As time went on, she thawed a bit, but not much. I had occasion to work with her...she needed some coaching on technique and styling for a dance she was doing for a showcase, and she had thawed considerably by the end of that coaching session.
.........and you didn't need to know all that!Me and my motormouth!! Anyway, it finally came out, once she felt safe enough to tell me, that she had felt very intimidated by me and so was defensive before she ever actually KNEW me! I hadn't done a damn thing except be myself!
I'm sure you'd have known long since if he felt intimidated by you, but I wanted to mention it anyway, just in case. I am hearing how it's impacted you, but because I'm not IN the situation I can also look at your son's behavior from HIS perspective, and what might be motivating him to behave the way he does. And I also may be full of you know what!but some of what you mention sounds like defensive behavior rather than a personal attack...if that makes sense. IOW his behavior is WAY more about him and whatever demons he's battling than it is about anything you've done TO him.
I have no ideal why anyone would become a drug addict except to alleviate physical pain. As soon as medical marijuana becomes available here, I am going to try it. My kids have been after me for years to do so.
I think saying mommy and daddy were mean to me so I take drugs is a total load of crap. My stupid adopted granddaughter was given the world on a silver platter. She totally threw her life away when she was given marijuana at a college party.
She was given a free totally completely free college education, housing and food included. She preferred marijuana. Now, at the age of 22, she sits in a homeless shelter in Colorado where she can get her marijuana. Has nothing to do with any of her parents bio or adopted. She made her choice.
. Over the years they have had a cycle of disliking me and liking me. Distancing themselves from me, and becoming close again, only to repeat the pattern endlessly. Influenced, somewhat, by who they were with or not. Idk.
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) 'cause, prima facie, it feels the opposite of warm. It sounds cold.
