How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

Interesting thread, many well thought out replies. I certainly have experienced periods of loneliness in my life, and continue to do so. These feelings were never truly alleviated by filling up my days with other things. I don’t believe this was because I lacked purpose or hobbies, nor do I believe it was a self esteem issue. I definitely don’t believe it was a form of self pity,

or a lack of self discipline. Certainly the meditation I have practiced twice daily since the age of twenty has many positive effects, but curing loneliness is not among them. For some of us, meaningful interactions with others is an essential part of our emotional and mental well-being. That is how we are wired, and it is every bit as normal as the opposite end of the spectrum where some people are virtually content with no other company than their own.
 

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Sorry my replies offend you as that certainly was not my intention. As for me, I've been alone all my life and have never been lonely for a minute. There's a great big world out there and since we have but one life to live, let's make the most of it.
It is not me you offend but those suffering from loneliness who've spotted the title of this thread and clicked on it hoping to find a way to elevate their pain, but here you are literally calling it a "self-made problem" and telling them to "grow up", get over it, and stop feeling sorry for themselves. There is no substitute for human contact, a touch, a smile so if your best advice is for them to get a hobby then you understand nothing and you should not be giving advice to anyone.
 
Interesting thread, many well thought out replies. I certainly have experienced periods of loneliness in my life, and continue to do so. These feelings were never truly alleviated by filling up my days with other things. I don’t believe this was because I lacked purpose or hobbies, nor do I believe it was a self esteem issue. I definitely don’t believe it was a form of self pity,

or a lack of self discipline. Certainly the meditation I have practiced twice daily since the age of twenty has many positive effects, but curing loneliness is not among them. For some of us, meaningful interactions with others is an essential part of our emotional and mental well-being. That is how we are wired, and it is every bit as normal as the opposite end of the spectrum where some people are virtually content with no other company than their own.
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You misunderstand - no one is saying meditation cures lonliness!! It is a tool to be used together with other tools.
 

I couldn't agree more. I was forced to retire at 63 due to Covid. Although it happened when I was much younger than I expected, I knew there was little likelihood that I could get back into the workforce. I honestly wasn't sure how I would handle going from 60 to 0 in a month, so I started going to the lake near our house and reading self-help books. I guess I meditate to some degree because I just take in nature and marvel at the scenery. Everyone talks about being "in the moment", but I actually heard a group of birds chattering and when I looked up they were a group of beautiful green Parakeets. I would have never noticed them when I was working.

My goal in life when I worked was to make my employer happy and to make money. It is now to be a better and happier version of myself.
Love that you managed to turn your life around with so much success. Good for you :love:
 
There is no substitute for human contact, a touch, a smile so if your best advice is for them to get a hobby then you understand nothing and you should not be giving advice to anyone.


I see it as setting an example. Speaking for myself, it's how I deal with life and if you read what others say it is what they do as well. Anyone with the problem needs to see a doctor as shown in that last link I posted.
 
It is not me you offend but those suffering from loneliness who've spotted the title of this thread and clicked on it hoping to find a way to elevate their pain, but here you are literally calling it a "self-made problem" and telling them to "grow up", get over it, and stop feeling sorry for themselves. There is no substitute for human contact, a touch, a smile so if your best advice is for them to get a hobby then you understand nothing and you should not be giving advice to anyone.
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I tried the doctor (a GP) and asked if he could prescribe something for me for the loneliness. He said you don't need medication, you need therapy. So he sent me to a therapist and she said, "You're lonely, huh? Go to church." I said, "I'm an atheist" and she took a step back from me and frowned. That was at my second session with her; I never went back.
 
I tried the doctor (a GP) and asked if he could prescribe something for me for the loneliness. He said you don't need medication, you need therapy. So he sent me to a therapist and she said, "You're lonely, huh? Go to church." I said, "I'm an atheist" and she took a step back from me and frowned. That was at my second session with her; I never went back.
As I was saying .....
....... There is no substitute for human contact, a touch, a smile .....
Meeting other people face-to-face is the only remedy but it isn't as easy as it sounds for someone suffering from loneliness because their condition is usually the consequence of their own personal experience, particularly the failure of a relationship. So, while inner dissatisfaction can be remedied by being active, loneliness can only be cured by human contact but sticking you into a room full of bible-bashers has the opposite effect and will only drive you into disappointment.
 
I tried the doctor (a GP) and asked if he could prescribe something for me for the loneliness. He said you don't need medication, you need therapy. So he sent me to a therapist and she said, "You're lonely, huh? Go to church." I said, "I'm an atheist" and she took a step back from me and frowned. That was at my second session with her; I never went back.


I used to know folks from freedomfromreligion group. Very intellectual types and they are very good at conversations about religion and separation of church and state. I wonder if they still have lectures and other public presentations. If so, you may want to attend and meet like minded people.
 
I used to know folks from freedomfromreligion group. Very intellectual types and they are very good at conversations about religion and separation of church and state. I wonder if they still have lectures and other public presentations. If so, you may want to attend and meet like minded people.
I did attend a group like that for a while, but as I said above, they were all quite a bit younger than I, very nice folks but we had little in common. I do enjoy being around people younger than I--not too much younger; I don't want to have to change somebody's diapers :LOL: --but I long sometimes for a friend closer in age to me but almost everyone elderly in this area is very religious and if female a grandma and very wrapped up in her grandkids. (Which is actually cool; I wish my grandmothers had been the doting kind but no, one was scared of my grandpa and her own shadow and the other one was a bible-thumping, fire and brimstone nutcase. But I would like to talk about something other than their grandkids once in a while.)
 
I completely agree with others who have said it is necessary to feel comfortable with yourself to overcome loneliness. It is just like in relationships... when you are happy with yourself you will be happy with someone else.

With that said, even though I am an introvert I need occasional social contact. I have been volunteering at our local arboretum. I've met some other volunteers who have interesting stories to share. I love hearing others' stories and what motivates them.
 
I like alone time but I like to share ideas with others.
Plus don't people who like being alone want to matter to someone .
It seems to always be alone would be awful,esp holidays,being admiited to the hospital etc,
Hard for me to understand/ Oh well!!
 
I like alone time but I like to share ideas with others.
Plus don't people who like being alone want to matter to someone .
It seems to always be alone would be awful,esp holidays,being admiited to the hospital etc,
Hard for me to understand/ Oh well!!
I think conditioning has a lot to do with it. When I look back, I have been alone since my father died back in 1986.
Even before then I had shunned those who had spurned me and I only stayed in my home town to look after my father.
With him gone there was nothing keeping me there so I went as far away as I could.
I preferred to be alone, at least that way there was no chance of being used and abused.
 
After posting a brief anthropological input on human nature on Page 2 post #45, I stayed away from this thread until now as have just re-read every post.

Despite a successful career in hardware electronics, at one point in my 30's considered a career change given a natural aptitude understanding how others think. So I began taking community college introductory courses in psychology, logic, and other communication areas. At some point I came to realize I did not have the patience being around various people with behaviors that annoyed me so it would be unwise to work in a field like psychology if the job involved changing others problematic behaviors. One can clearly intelligently explain to some what, why, how of whatever their issue is but unless they want to change, they are likely to ignore advice. That is especially true with the epidemic of substance abuse and those many with poor interpersonal communication skills.

Although one can be content being alone and occupied with whatever while not regularly feeling lonely about one's situation, it is abnormal for our evolved gregarious species. In this era given the wide range of individual situations, there are many seniors that have to deal with being alone. Because of the wide range of situations and personalities, what is best for one senior may not work for another. A senior that spent much of their lives relatively content and occupied mostly alone will view the issue differently than another person that interacted greatly with others during their lives. People need to understand that.

In our current technological era we have television, radio, Internet, smartphones, that can fill part of the gregarious void though will never be the same as personal face to face verbal communication our brains evolved for. That is a ongoing controversial subject now for those young adults that are dominated by smartphones. Much face to face human communication is non-verbal in the sub-conscious, especially interpreting mannerisms and subtle facial expressions and tones in another's voice and then reacting in kind communicating so to others. All these tech era devices lack non-verbal interactions to various degrees thus stunt or atrophe normal brain functionality if not regularly engaged.

Our human brains are incredibly plastic that current cognitive neuroscience has shown is significantly different than what was known even 2 decades ago. It is also a science area I've been studying via books and online sources, particularly youtube and is closely related to frantic AI research that has made astounding progress during the past decade. Basically each individual begins with a minor amount of innate instinctual behaviors plus a great deal of brain neocortex, relatively empty, waiting to be filled. Our human brain neocortexes interconnect and change at cellular chemical levels from what we experience, do, and think. In short, we are what we do. So if we humans are not in experiential situations our brains evolved for, the result is arguably likely to be less than ideal.
 

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