Just senior humor

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Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician.
A week or so afterward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with
his arm around a beautiful, comely young female.

The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?”

Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get
a hot mama and be cheerful."

The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you! I said,
‘You got a heart murmur. Be careful.’”
 

Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch.

One asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains.
You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?”

Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.”

“No kidding! Like a brand new baby?”

“Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”
 
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers,
picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
 
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