Twostep
Well-known Member
- Location
- Tiny town Oklahoma, OK
I cannot imagine living as room mates.
Long marriages - the secret?
- Thread starter Rose65
- Start date
Medusa
Senior Member
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
35 years for us and I agree with what some others have said; it's commitment. We are committed to each other and our bond. We are connected at the soul level. His face is the last thing I want to see before I die.
horseless carriage
Well-known Member
The Silent Treatment.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realised that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 o'clock for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 o'clock." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 o'clock and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper read: "It's 5:00 o'clock. Wake up!"
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realised that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 o'clock for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 o'clock." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 o'clock and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper read: "It's 5:00 o'clock. Wake up!"
George1959
Senior Member
And never part in the morning being mad at each other!
Decades ago in our region a car mechanic had picked up an apprentice of the same firm and on the way to their working place they had a fatal car accident.
A passing car came on their traffic lane, the mechanic in a reflex draw aside to the left lane and collided with the truck the other car had passed.
The one responsible for the accident was a hit-and-run driver, but fortunately got caught by the police some days later.
Dr. Jekyll
Member
- Location
- Florida
In addition to all the things mentioned here already, I would add commitment. We are both churchgoers and had long discussions about the "'til death do you part" part of the vows. We both went in consciously agreeing that this was a forever deal and have never lost sight of that. We've had our ups and downs and times when we felt distant, but we've never doubted that we are in it together - forever. We survived the parenting challenges and produced two children who are now successful adults and net producers in society. Now, in retirement, we truly think we are "living our best lives", both doing things together and having independent fun with "the guys" and "the gals".
Every anniversary I recall what Paul Harvey used to say when he would recognize anniversaries, this year it's "45 years on the way to forever together".
Every anniversary I recall what Paul Harvey used to say when he would recognize anniversaries, this year it's "45 years on the way to forever together".
Twostep
Well-known Member
- Location
- Tiny town Oklahoma, OK
You can never take a spoken word back.
Mitch86
Member
- Location
- Connecticut, USA
My wife and I are married 65 years so far. Each of us are devoted to care for the other. She manages the house and food and I manage the earnings and finances.
Warrigal
SF VIP
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
Yes. Hubby and I celebrated 60 years of marriage in March 2023*, not long after Charles ascended to the throne and received congratulations signed by the King and his Queen Camilla. We also received congratulatory messages from the Governor General of Australia, the Prime minister, the Premier of NSW and our local state and federal members of parliament. All that is required is that someone alert the local federal member's office and the whole chain is initiated.
The best part if our anniversary celebrations, apart from having so many friends and family share in our happiness was the gift** given by our church friends - a star in the Aquila constellation is now named the Robertson 60th Wedding Anniversary. In many ways, our marriage was a stellar union.
* Hubby died less than three weeks after our 61st anniversary, which we celebrated together privately.
**We had specifically requested no presents because we had everything we needed and a lot more that we did not need. I was absolutely thrilled with the choice made by my church family.
NotCompSavvy
Senior Member
- Location
- Florida
That is great . I am impossible to live with I even argue with myself , my wife filed for divorce years ago while screaming ' I wish you were dead ' , I'm just kidding that is part of a comedy act I do but I am divorced and sadly I do argue with myself though have a sense of humor .
StarSong
Awkward is my Superpower
- Location
- Los Angeles Suburbs
I'm in a long, happy, very compatible marriage. First and only for both of us. We don't get mad at each other over silly things - never did. Having met when we were 25, neither of us were relationship newbies.
However we had a few bumps over the years. Three that I can think of.
The old adage of "never go to bed mad at each other" sounds great but some marital problems can take days or even weeks to work through. Being upset with your partner for a while doesn't put your underlying love or commitment at stake.
Good relationships of any kind - parent/child, friendships, and marriages should be strong enough to contain some disputes without the relationship itself being threatened.
Working through problems in a mature fashion means not dragging unrelated BS into the arena, becoming nasty or unkind, or licking the wounds so long and hard that they fester.
However we had a few bumps over the years. Three that I can think of.
The old adage of "never go to bed mad at each other" sounds great but some marital problems can take days or even weeks to work through. Being upset with your partner for a while doesn't put your underlying love or commitment at stake.
Good relationships of any kind - parent/child, friendships, and marriages should be strong enough to contain some disputes without the relationship itself being threatened.
Working through problems in a mature fashion means not dragging unrelated BS into the arena, becoming nasty or unkind, or licking the wounds so long and hard that they fester.
Last edited:
Mr. Ed
Be what you is not what you what you aināt
- Location
- Central NY
UpstateGal
Member
Commitment, Compromise, Mutual Interests, Shared Values and Patience
Dave03
Senior Member
- Location
- Dunder Mifflin, Scranton Branch
Knowing what's important and what really doesn't matter in the big picture.
Do I feel a low level boil every time my wife puts the butter in the dish with the wrapper still on it, so it's all mushy when you try to unwrap it? Yes.
Do I scream inside when she buries the milk behind a bunch of stuff, when she know I drink it, multiple times a day? Yes.
But, in the grand scheme, these are not battles worth fighting.
Do I feel a low level boil every time my wife puts the butter in the dish with the wrapper still on it, so it's all mushy when you try to unwrap it? Yes.
Do I scream inside when she buries the milk behind a bunch of stuff, when she know I drink it, multiple times a day? Yes.
But, in the grand scheme, these are not battles worth fighting.
horseless carriage
Well-known Member
My wife knows how to keep me in line with her no nonsense ways and her unconditional love. She's is kind, smart, loving, and compassionate and she is everything to me.
My lady is a kindhearted woman who is always helping others. That is why she put in decades as a paramedic taking care of people at a very stressful time. Her talent for dressmaking could easily have gotten her into one of London's fashion houses but when she saw an advert to train for the ambulance service, she knew that was her calling.
Somehow in all that work and daily chaos she found time to be the best wife a man could ask for. She never complained about her work-shift pattern, the early starts, the very late finishes, working on public holidays. Being a paramedic meant a lot to her, as those to whom she would attend, attest.
Our time together when she was not working, had to be planned. We love dancing as in Latin & Ballroom, with a little bit of energetic rock & roll thrown in for good measure. Our dancing took us all over the country and abroad, we even did an anniversary waltz on a cruise ship. We often got a reaction too, as this fellow describes.
My wife started to feel unwell around Christmas time 2023, a round of check ups started and it was discovered that her heart needed surgery. That happened last August and since then her recovery has been slow, but gradually improving. She still had difficult days, her surgeon said that she would. Heart surgery causes massive internal bruising which can take up to a year to recover.
We have been married for fifty-six years, it's my prayer that we make it to celebrate our diamond anniversary, but that's just a date on the calendar. Every single day that she's with me is a gift, this might sound all sentimental, but it's not. We've had our spats, the heated words and the strong glares. Yet we have always gone to bed as friends again, whatever was said is forgotten. Long may my marriage to this fabulous lady continue.
My lady is a kindhearted woman who is always helping others. That is why she put in decades as a paramedic taking care of people at a very stressful time. Her talent for dressmaking could easily have gotten her into one of London's fashion houses but when she saw an advert to train for the ambulance service, she knew that was her calling.
Somehow in all that work and daily chaos she found time to be the best wife a man could ask for. She never complained about her work-shift pattern, the early starts, the very late finishes, working on public holidays. Being a paramedic meant a lot to her, as those to whom she would attend, attest.
Our time together when she was not working, had to be planned. We love dancing as in Latin & Ballroom, with a little bit of energetic rock & roll thrown in for good measure. Our dancing took us all over the country and abroad, we even did an anniversary waltz on a cruise ship. We often got a reaction too, as this fellow describes.
My wife started to feel unwell around Christmas time 2023, a round of check ups started and it was discovered that her heart needed surgery. That happened last August and since then her recovery has been slow, but gradually improving. She still had difficult days, her surgeon said that she would. Heart surgery causes massive internal bruising which can take up to a year to recover.
We have been married for fifty-six years, it's my prayer that we make it to celebrate our diamond anniversary, but that's just a date on the calendar. Every single day that she's with me is a gift, this might sound all sentimental, but it's not. We've had our spats, the heated words and the strong glares. Yet we have always gone to bed as friends again, whatever was said is forgotten. Long may my marriage to this fabulous lady continue.
Lethe200
Senior Member
- Location
- San Francisco Bay Area
51 yrs together:
- Compromise
- Trust
- Respect
- A sense of humor!
- Commitment. My mother once said a very wise thing to me: "You can love someone enough to marry him, but you have to LIKE him in order to live with him."
jujube
SF VIP
A woman was asked how she handled arguments with her husband. She said, "Oh, when we have an argument, I just stop arguing and go scrub the toilet. It calms me down and I feel much better about it."
Her friend said, "Well, I must say your toilet sparkles. But how does that make you feel better?"
She said, "Oh, I use his toothbrush to do the scrubbing."
Her friend said, "Well, I must say your toilet sparkles. But how does that make you feel better?"
She said, "Oh, I use his toothbrush to do the scrubbing."
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Knowing when to keep your mouth shut, eyes open. Two circles that always overlap, sometimes more than at other times, but still being an individual doing your own thing. Not smothering each other. Being your most trusted friend and lover. The part where your circles cross is sacred and you allow no one outside (kids, inlaws, other friends, siblings) into that area that is only the two of you; where secrets are safe.
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Knowing there is nothing better than what you have.
horseless carriage
Well-known Member
After you say "I do." Learn to say: "Yes Ma'am." We have been married fifty-seven wonderful years. My wife's surgery last August underlined that one of us must endure the loss of the other at some stage, but my prayer is to emulate my grandparents. They were 75 years married and passed within a few months of one another.
Boon54
Member
We've been married around 50 years. We're both now 70-ish. I don't think there's a secret. It helps if you're "in love" since there will be times when you will think you have made the biggest mistake of your life. There are those who somehow managed to be happy throughout but we've had some really troubled times. I even tried to walk away a few times. But I always came back. For me, it's like if she needs me, I can't turn away. No matter how angry I was, I could not be angry enough to not care how she felt.
This doesn't mean it's all her fault, of course. Likelihood, it probably means the opposite - that I have been a difficult husband and it's amazing that she still cares enough to stay on. What I've learnt is that we are blind to our own faults, which makes the spouse an easy target to blame.
So, no secret from me. Just lucky we were both the kind of people who might get angry with one another but not enough to burn the house down. Once in a while, we go around hating each other's guts, at other times, really loving one another, and most of the rest, just accepting each other like one might accept a sibling ("He ain't heavy, he's my brother" kind of thing).
Fairly early in our relationship, or perhaps even before, I decided that getting married is like finding a new sibling. Like it or not, they're your spouse. You just have to find a way to live together. It helps that there's some romantic love involved and it helps if you take time to keep the romance alive (not just spending time together but actually telling one another how wonderful the other person is).
Every time I'm asked this question, I say, "Life is tough. Just hang in there."
This doesn't mean it's all her fault, of course. Likelihood, it probably means the opposite - that I have been a difficult husband and it's amazing that she still cares enough to stay on. What I've learnt is that we are blind to our own faults, which makes the spouse an easy target to blame.
So, no secret from me. Just lucky we were both the kind of people who might get angry with one another but not enough to burn the house down. Once in a while, we go around hating each other's guts, at other times, really loving one another, and most of the rest, just accepting each other like one might accept a sibling ("He ain't heavy, he's my brother" kind of thing).
Fairly early in our relationship, or perhaps even before, I decided that getting married is like finding a new sibling. Like it or not, they're your spouse. You just have to find a way to live together. It helps that there's some romantic love involved and it helps if you take time to keep the romance alive (not just spending time together but actually telling one another how wonderful the other person is).
Every time I'm asked this question, I say, "Life is tough. Just hang in there."