Mother raised six children...now estranged from 5....

Gee, I'm so used to being criticized (not here) that I assumed that....I am relieved that I was wrong. Let's start all over again: Hi Babycakes, I'm Pepper. Let's get to know and help each other through this thing called LIFE.
No worries.... I would never want to hurt or offend someone that has taken the time to respond to my post ...good or bad....I can deal with anything that is sincere...you feel me...nice to meet you Pepper.
 

3. She has told many lies through the years. To name a few. I abused drugs. I did not know who the fathers of my kids were. I have been married 3 times. My 3rd and current husband had never met her but I talked of her to him. He and I do not have any natural children together but he raised the four younger. We were married 10 years and he and two of the kids ran into her at the mall. I was not there. She was working in the store they entered her sister was so happy to see her. He said she was nice and pleasant. I told him Not... I found out my daughter has exchanged numbers with her and within one week she had the police at my house with CPS claiming my husband and children life was in danger. I had not seen or spoken to her in over 11 years at that time. Of course nothing came of it...because it was unfounded with the exception of my daughter being unhappy because I would not allow her boyfriend to spen the night.

May I ask whether your children are "doing well in life generally"?

No need to answer, but I know a good many are not having the kind of life a parent might wish for them.
 

May I ask whether your children are "doing well in life generally"?

No need to answer, but I know a good many are not having the kind of life a parent might wish for them.
Financially they are all doing well. Mentally and morally not so much.
 
That is good news really, as to my mind it means someone did something right!
I must agree...three have college degrees and the other 3 followed in my foot steps of high commissions sales. The ladder 3 are exceeding expectations and way ahead of the curve. They do help the older 3 with loans and lavish gifts.
 
Babycakes,I'm really sorry you are going through all this hurt. It brings back memories of my older brother who is no longer with us. We had the best parents in the world and they were very good to their 3 children and then 9 grandchildren.If any of us needed something my parents got it for us. I can't even count all the good things they did for us. Then out of the blue my brother turned on the whole family. He moved to another state and never invited my parents to visit. When I called to tell him my Dad was sick,he didn't believe me. Then a few days later my Dad passed away.The same thing happened with my Mom. I really don't think anything was your fault. I think the problem is with your children.Please stay strong.
 
Babycakes,I'm really sorry you are going through all this hurt. It brings back memories of my older brother who is no longer with us. We had the best parents in the world and they were very good to their 3 children and then 9 grandchildren.If any of us needed something my parents got it for us. I can't even count all the good things they did for us. Then out of the blue my brother turned on the whole family. He moved to another state and never invited my parents to visit. When I called to tell him my Dad was sick,he didn't believe me. Then a few days later my Dad passed away.The same thing happened with my Mom. I really don't think anything was your fault. I think the problem is with your children.Please stay strong.

Its an amazing achievement for anyone to raise six children isn't it, just to start with that aspect, considering all the work involved, (plenty would have baulked at all the effort required).

My mum raised seven children, and maybe wasn't recognised or appreciated for all she did by any of us, certainly not me until after her death, when it became clear to me just how hard she had to struggle to cope with competing siblings trying to pull her this way and that, against her will, (though she stubbornly refused to bend). I didn't find it easy to communicate with my mum, and that is a shame whoever was responsible, but as she kept saying: "I did my best", just as I criticised her and didn't understand. However I would never have rejected my mum under any circumstances.
 
Babycakes,I'm really sorry you are going through all this hurt. It brings back memories of my older brother who is no longer with us. We had the best parents in the world and they were very good to their 3 children and then 9 grandchildren.If any of us needed something my parents got it for us. I can't even count all the good things they did for us. Then out of the blue my brother turned on the whole family. He moved to another state and never invited my parents to visit. When I called to tell him my Dad was sick,he didn't believe me. Then a few days later my Dad passed away.The same thing happened with my Mom. I really don't think anything was your fault. I think the problem is with your children.Please stay strong.
Thanks for sharing. Did your brother pass away too? How long ago was this? Your brother must have some sort of mental illness. It is sad how people can be so miserable they hurt the ones who really care. I bet your parents would have done anything for him. Did he attend their funeral?
 
Thanks for sharing. Did your brother pass away too? How long ago was this? Your brother must have some sort of mental illness. It is sad how people can be so miserable they hurt the ones who really care. I bet your parents would have done anything for him. Did he attend their funeral?


Yes my brother passed away 2 yrs ago. He did attend their funerals and even said cruel things about my Mother at her funeral. He also didn't even call my Sister when her husband passed away. But what I think is one of the worse things he ever did was leave his daughter everything and not a thing to his 2 son's even though they were very good to him and he was a very wealthy man.
 
Every story has two sides - sometimes more than two.
My mother died 7 years ago. None of her 4 kids said anything bad at her funeral....because we didn't attend.
She was an abusive raging witch who should have never had kids & we saw no reason to waste our time. Luckily, she made her own funeral arrangements years before; perhaps she knew her kids (victims) wouldn't bother to do it. If she hadn't made her own arrangements, we'd have told the mortuary; "Do whatever you want with her."

My point? If you asked her what her kids were like, she would reply: "I have terrible kids; they don't love me; they do nothing for me; they're just bad kids." And, if she ever came back, she would say, "My kids are so terrible, they didn't even attend my funeral."
 
Yes my brother passed away 2 yrs ago. He did attend their funerals and even said cruel things about my Mother at her funeral. He also didn't even call my Sister when her husband passed away. But what I think is one of the worse things he ever did was leave his daughter everything and not a thing to his 2 son's even though they were very good to him and he was a very wealthy man.
Wow...I could tell you a thing or two about my children especially my oldest. I wish they had waited until I died but not so lucky for me. How old was your brother when he passed and what did he die from. I guess he was not Married if his daughter got everything. If his daughter was decent she would still share with her brothers. My main question is what did he die from and if he suffered?
 
Every story has two sides - sometimes more than two.
My mother died 7 years ago. None of her 4 kids said anything bad at her funeral....because we didn't attend.
She was an abusive raging witch who should have never had kids & we saw no reason to waste our time. Luckily, she made her own funeral arrangements years before; perhaps she knew her kids (victims) wouldn't bother to do it. If she hadn't made her own arrangements, we'd have told the mortuary; "Do whatever you want with her."

My point? If you asked her what her kids were like, she would reply: "I have terrible kids; they don't love me; they do nothing for me; they're just bad kids." And, if she ever came back, she would say, "My kids are so terrible, they didn't even attend my funeral."
There is no excuse for the four of you abandoning her. It is clear she has some kind of mental illness. I would not expect you to let her abuse you...true enough but for heavens sake give her credit for giving you life...if nothing else. God forgave us for our sins and the 4 of you are not greater than God. Lord have mercy on you four because your day will come just like the rest of us.
 
There is no excuse for the four of you abandoning her. It is clear she has some kind of mental illness. I would not expect you to let her abuse you...true enough but for heavens sake give her credit for giving you life...if nothing else. God forgave us for our sins and the 4 of you are not greater than God. Lord have mercy on you four because your day will come just like the rest of us.
Not every bad trait in someone can be blamed on mental illness; otherwise, every inmate in prison should be treated, instead of punished/incarcerated.
Her selfishness & abuse was not due to any mental illness. She was just full of rage that she chose to take out on her kids. We only "abandoned" her after she died. I made sure she was cared for - mainly because I promised our dad we would because that was his dying wish. He knew what kind of psycho he married & he was afraid we would abandon her after he passed.
I hired & paid her nurses $1,200.00/week for the last 3 months when she was bedridden. Before that, I chauffeured her & my dad for 2 years & did all their shopping, etc. That was way more than she deserved.

As for "giving me life," she only had kids to keep her man; her & my dad weren't married when she became pregnant & back then, (around 1950), that wasn't acceptable. She knew no man would stay with her unless he had to.
And, (although I'm not a believer), I don't think God forgave her; she was bedridden for the last 3 months of her life & she hated that more than anything. In fact, she told me, "Every night when I go to sleep, I hope I die by morning." We were thinking, "Yeah...we hope so, too."
 
Wow...I could tell you a thing or two about my children especially my oldest. I wish they had waited until I died but not so lucky for me. How old was your brother when he passed and what did he die from. I guess he was not Married if his daughter got everything. If his daughter was decent she would still share with her brothers. My main question is what did he die from and if he suffered?


He passed away from Colon Cancer,he was 85yrs old and his wife had passed away 5yrs before him. His 2 son's took turns spending the nights with him and took care of him on weekends. He had 3 homes and one of them was a summer home on the beach. His daughter was the youngest of his 3 children and she didn't share anything with her brothers.One day when I was talking to her she was laughing and said he had so many stocks in different companies that they looked like branches on a tree.He was receiving $150,000 as his pension. She won't even let her brothers or their children use the summer home for vacation.
 
Break
As for "giving me life," she only had kids to keep her man; her & my dad weren't married when she became pregnant & back then, (around 1950), that wasn't acceptable. She knew no man would stay with her unless he had to.
And, (although I'm not a believer), I don't think God forgave her; she was bedridden for the last 3 months of her life & she hated that more than anything. In fact, she told me, "Every night when I go to sleep, I hope I die by morning." We were thinking, "Yeah...we hope so, too."

I hope you dont mind, but as you will see I've cut down your post about your mother, and I hope you'll forgive me again for finding the section I've picked out slightly amusing.

"She only had kids to keep her man" you suggest, and you would have more insight into that aspect than anyone trying to assess your views, but I do still wonder whether anyone carrying a baby has such limited feelings, or hopes for the life they carry inside themselves for nine months, and care for thereafter, no matter how inadequately.
 
I hope you dont mind, but as you will see I've cut down your post about your mother, and I hope you'll forgive me again for finding the section I've picked out slightly amusing.

"She only had kids to keep her man" you suggest, and you would have more insight into that aspect than anyone trying to assess your views, but I do still wonder whether anyone carrying a baby has such limited feelings, or hopes for the life they carry inside themselves for nine months, and care for thereafter, no matter how inadequately.
She wasn't alone in that. I've personally known several women who used pregnancy to trap their men - either financially or marriage -wise.
 
He passed away from Colon Cancer,he was 85yrs old and his wife had passed away 5yrs before him. His 2 son's took turns spending the nights with him and took care of him on weekends. He had 3 homes and one of them was a summer home on the beach. His daughter was the youngest of his 3 children and she didn't share anything with her brothers.One day when I was talking to her she was laughing and said he had so many stocks in different companies that they looked like branches on a tree.He was receiving $150,000 as his pension. She won't even let her brothers or their children use the summer home for vacation.
At the end of the day greed is very ugly. I hope the other sons are doing well in spite of it all. I believe that the good Lord will provide. She will need them at some point if for nothing more that a fond memory. Material things only go so far and at the end of the day you can’t take it with you. It can be a blessing and a curse. With every day we awake we have a chance to make things right. Let’s all pray for her because life is one big lesson.
 
Not every bad trait in someone can be blamed on mental illness; otherwise, every inmate in prison should be treated, instead of punished/incarcerated.
Her selfishness & abuse was not due to any mental illness. She was just full of rage that she chose to take out on her kids. We only "abandoned" her after she died. I made sure she was cared for - mainly because I promised our dad we would because that was his dying wish. He knew what kind of psycho he married & he was afraid we would abandon her after he passed.
I hired & paid her nurses $1,200.00/week for the last 3 months when she was bedridden. Before that, I chauffeured her & my dad for 2 years & did all their shopping, etc. That was way more than she deserved.

As for "giving me life," she only had kids to keep her man; her & my dad weren't married when she became pregnant & back then, (around 1950), that wasn't acceptable. She knew no man would stay with her unless he had to.
And, (although I'm not a believer), I don't think God forgave her; she was bedridden for the last 3 months of her life & she hated that more than anything. In fact, she told me, "Every night when I go to sleep, I hope I die by morning." We were thinking, "Yeah...we hope so, too."
You are so bitter and even though you took care of them it’s clear you didn’t do it from your heart. I hope at some point before you pass on you can make peace with yourself if you don’t believe in a higher being. You provided the las 3 months and she breathed air into your lungs for 9 months while you were forming in her womb. However you look at it she would of been taken care of if you didn’t do what you did..even if it was by the state but I guarantee you would of never made it without her. I gave birth to six and I know what she sacrificed. It’s not even close. If she would of given you up for adoption...there would not be no you without her. Don’t get it twisted..
 
You are so bitter and even though you took care of them it’s clear you didn’t do it from your heart. I hope at some point before you pass on you can make peace with yourself if you don’t believe in a higher being. You provided the las 3 months and she breathed air into your lungs for 9 months while you were forming in her womb. However you look at it she would of been taken care of if you didn’t do what you did..even if it was by the state but I guarantee you would of never made it without her. I gave birth to six and I know what she sacrificed. It’s not even close. If she would of given you up for adoption...there would not be no you without her. Don’t get it twisted..
I'm not bitter; I'm proud that I kept my promise to my dad.
Nature kept me alive for 9 months; not her.
My siblings wanted nothing to do with her. In fact my sister didn't speak to her for the last 7 years of her life. In spite of everything, I just couldn't do that. The State would have put her in the cheapest convalescent home they could find, where she would have been much more miserable.

Without her, I would have probably been raised in a foster home - which might have been as bad, or better....I'll never know.

One thing I've learned: No one makes more excuses for toxic parents - than other toxic parents.
 
I'm not bitter; I'm proud that I kept my promise to my dad.
Nature kept me alive for 9 months; not her.
My siblings wanted nothing to do with her. In fact my sister didn't speak to her for the last 7 years of her life. In spite of everything, I just couldn't do that. The State would have put her in the cheapest convalescent home they could find, where she would have been much more miserable.

Without her, I would have probably been raised in a foster home - which might have been as bad, or better....I'll never know.

One thing I've learned: No one makes more excuses for toxic parents - than other toxic parents.
I have made no excuses...just stated from my heart what my thoughts are. This is a Senior Forum to express your feeling...RIGHT...some people can dish it out but not receive it. I find this to be your case. What is Toxic....you don’t know me or what I’ve been through. Every response was a direct feeling from your statements..Right... I made no judgements about you other than what you said. On the other hand you have judged me from no facts. I have been called a lot of thing but Toxic is not not one even from my worse enemies. I suggest you don’t post if you don’t want honest feedback unless it is favorable to you. Good night and good life.
 


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