LOL yes I think we all are nuts in some ways.
Thanks so much for sharing. My condolences over the loss of your husband.Polyamory is different than polygamy. At the age of 45, I entered into a polygamous marriage. We were together for more than 25 years until my husband died in 2018. Polygamy in Islam (at least in our case) is different from what I've read about polyamory. Although I loved my (future) husband very much, after much trepidation, a lot of reading up on the subject both from Islamic and secular sources and changing my mind several times, I finally married him. It was beneficial to me for many reasons. Initially I was so worried about what my family and friends would think but it became a non issue since everyone loved him and loved us as a couple.
People think of polygamy as a man "eating his cake and having it too" but in Islam it's not that simple. Such husbands have to please and support both their wives and treat them each fairly. Try doing that with menopausal women.
A couple of years ago, the first polyamory couple I read about was in their 20s and engaged. A news site did an article about the practice and featured them. She had another boyfriend and a girlfriend. He also had someone else but I can't remember if it was male or female. Both had the other partners with each other's consent. You mentioned polyamory participants as being in their 20s, 30s & 40s but lets not forget the "swingers" of our generation. Also Baby Boomer gay men participated in some hot orgies back in the day at The Baths and places like that. How do I know this? Some of them wound up being our patients in the STD clinic and told us all about the lifestyle.
Marg: it's wonderful to know a lady who gives an honest, gutsy response!
Thank you for responding as you did Serenity. I have to laugh about the thought of having more than one husband. I could see it being stressful as hell. How do you "service" multiple men without becoming exhausted? What if they all want children? Here's a hint: I have one child...that's all I wanted.Thanks so much for sharing. My condolences over the loss of your husband.
Years ago I watched sister wives and actually gained a better understanding and acceptance from the show.
I recognize I was brainwashed into believing one man one woman is the only moral marriage. I am much happier and feel more peace and joy in acceptance and non-judgment and when I just try to understand.
lol but I still think a one-woman and several husbands form of polygamy could be quite advantageous..well at least for the woman. I wonder if men would go along with that form as easily as women have accepted the present setup?
Cooking for and cleaning up after multiple men!! Nightmarish for me. The ruling was that women couldn't marry more than one man because in the case of children, how would she know which child belonged to which man?Thank you, Gaer, and believe me I'm thrilled to know there are a few of us that still exist in today's world that think like we do.
My men would cook and clean...Thank you for responding as you did Serenity. I have to laugh about the thought of having more than one husband. I could see it being stressful as hell. How do you "service" multiple men without becoming exhausted? What if they all want children? Here's a hint: I have one child...that's all I wanted.
I'm glad Sister Wives helped you to be less judgmental but that is not representative of Islam. The one episode I saw turned me off. The husband was upstairs in one of the bedrooms making out with one of his wives. The door was wide open. That's a no no. Privacy and discretion are required even though the other women know they are "sister wives". In many cases, such as mine, polygamous Islamic marriages are not communal. Here is a short article from an Islamic source:
https://islamfaith.com/polygamy-in-islam-why-can-a-muslim-man-marry-multiple-wives/
Personally, for me I too am only a one-man one-woman type. I just want to try and understand how others think and believe. I have really changed my views on so many issues.
You're welcome. I like that men cooking and cleaning thing.My men would cook and clean...
I get the who is the father question..but we have DNA testing so that would not be a problem. The way I envision this all working is everyone is one big happy family taking care of each other.
I'm with you on the number of children..I had 2 and 9 years apart and thought I had it rough.
TY for the article..as I said I would not be in a polygamist marriage but I think there could be advantages...and of course disadvantages.
Well now we have DNA testing but moot point right? You don't want anymore children. LOL Oooohhh.....9 years apart! That's almost like starting over. My son wanted me to have another baby when he was about 14. I'll help you take care of him Ma. Sure he would. I told him he'd forget about that promise when came time to go out with his friends.
Seems to me - that philosophy swings both ways.
Difference being with me, I don't belly-ache about it.Seems to me - that philosophy swings both ways.
As life should be my friend.
This is my view as well, it looks pretty cumbersome to me, but I do want to understand this variation of life better.
But you do have strong opinions that you express. Is there a difference?
Strong opinion vs belly-aching? I should say so there's a difference.
This is the way society should help each other..and how charming that it was within the family...TY for sharing the highs and lows . Maybe if more people knew about the advantages there would be less prejudice.You're welcome. I like that men cooking and cleaning thing.
My co-wife and I became friends and helped each other with different projects. Each of our families excepted and liked the other. (Our) husband and I were invited to affairs sponsored by her sisters. He and I even took one of her sisters to the Poconos to visit his daughter and hang out for the day. My co-wife didn't like to travel and rarely went anyplace. I'm told we were cited as the model of how co-wives are supposed to be. When she was stuck with Alzheimer's, I'm the one who hipped my husband to what was happening to her, what to expect and how to handle it. I sat with him and went over the symptoms and stages of Alzheimers from an Alzheimer's site. Unfortunately she also got cancer. Her sisters, our husband and I were at her side when she was dying (about 15 months before my husband passed). BTW Thank you for your condolences.
TY honestly I knew very little about Polygamy and have heard more criticisms than positives. Wow ...N Africa and the Middle East..I have not been to either
What you perceive as the facts may not be the same as others. No one said that you have to do that. Just because they may be saying something that you disagree with doesn’t mean they are bellyaching or wrong. Everyone has a right to a respectful opinion, one that’s expressed politely.
I haven't used the expression, "Maybe I'm old fashioned, but", when I hear it or read it I take it as a calm way of saying, "Past views/opinions on certain issues like mine I go along with." I'm not saying, Blast the modern changes that have been made about any thing!" Now excuse me, but there is a full moon beckoning me to do whatever..........
Even though you're sunny, I can always count on a refreshing burst of raindrops (or is it teardrops) from you when you allow my comments to bunch up your knickers like they do!
Wonderfully articulated, Elsie!
