The Cheeky Friendly Banter Thread!

Pookie said:
HAHAHAHA! Boozercruiser!

Add:

You can't remember your dog's name, but when you need her, you rattle the treat jar.

You consider walking farts "controlled emissions."

The last time anyone checked your ID, they asked for your AARP card.

Your sense of humor, as well as your boobs, have sunk to new lows.


I'll come up with more....
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They are brilliant Pookie.
Have added those to the list! :D

Any more for any more?
 
Grumpy Ol' Man said:
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Right Grumpy.
I am going to start training my Wife on that lot now!
Wish me good luck on holding on to my teeth!
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Grumpy Ol' Man said:
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I have a major rebuttal to that! LOL!!

1. Throw slippers and pipe at him. Hope he catches them.


2. Massage his feet with a belt sander. That'll teach him.


3. Make him get his own dang beer and snacks. He's still ambulatory and can find the kitchen.


4. Dump him in front of the TV while you retreat to the computer room and post stuff like this on Senior Forums.


5. Ignore non-verbal cues until he resorts to speaking then start up the vacuum cleaner and you can't hear him anyway.


6. Answer "Yes, dear," then tell him what to go do with himself. Be creative.


7. Let the dog greet him at the door. Remain in the computer room posting stuff like this on Senior Forums.


It ain't hard, ladies....LOL!
 
Pookie said:
I have a major rebuttal to that! LOL!!

1. Throw slippers and pipe at him. Hope he catches them.


2. Massage his feet with a belt sander. That'll teach him.


3. Make him get his own dang beer and snacks. He's still ambulatory and can find the kitchen.


4. Dump him in front of the TV while you retreat to the computer room and post stuff like this on Senior Forums.


5. Ignore non-verbal cues until he resorts to speaking then start up the vacuum cleaner and you can't hear him anyway.


6. Answer "Yes, dear," then tell him what to go do with himself. Be creative.


7. Let the dog greet him at the door. Remain in the computer room posting stuff like this on Senior Forums.


It ain't hard, ladies....LOL!
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Hey Ladies, don't take any notice of Pookie there.
She doesn't know what she is talking about! :playful:;)
And you don't want a divorce now.
Do you? :D
 
Shalimar said:
Go Pookie! Lolololol. Boozer, go stand in the corner until we let you out. HaHaHaHaHaHa.
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Subject: Fwd: A BANK ROBBERY IN MINNESOTA
​

A HOODED ROBBER BURST INTO A MINNESOTA BANK AND FORCED THE TELLERS TO LOAD A SACK FULL OF CASH.


ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR, A BRAVE MINNESOTA CUSTOMER STRUGGLED WITH THE ROBBER, GRABBED THE HOOD AND PULLED IT OFF.


THE ROBBER SHOT THE CUSTOMER DEAD WITHOUT A MOMENT’S HESITATION.



HE THEN LOOKED AROUND THE BANK AND NOTICED ONE OF THE TELLERS LOOKING STRAIGHT AT HIM.
THE ROBBER INSTANTLY SHOT HIM DEAD.



EVERYONE IN THE BANK, BY NOW PETRIFIED, LOOKED INTENTLY DOWN AT THE FLOOR IN SILENCE.



THE ROBBER YELLED, "WELL, DID ANYONE ELSE SEE MY FACE?"


THERE WERE A FEW MOMENTS OF UTTER SILENCE IN WHICH EVERYONE WAS PLAINLY TOO AFRAID TO SPEAK.
THEN, ONE OLD NORWEGIAN NAMED OLAF FROM MINNESOTA TENTATIVELY RAISED HIS HAND AND SAID,



"MY WIFE GOT A PRETTY GOOD LOOK AT YOU!"
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​
 
The PERFECT HUSBAND


Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk... Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at Marks & Spencer's now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2015 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£140.000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the extras."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £600.000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £550.000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £50 thousand it's still really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.


He turns and asks:

"Does Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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​
 
LOL Boozer!

This older couple goes out for a Sunday drive, and as they talk, they get into an argument. Then they stop speaking to each other, silently fuming.

They go by a pasture full of cows, and the man mutters, "Looks like some of your relatives."

His wife smiles sweetly, pats his thigh, and says, "You're exactly right, dear. In-laws."
 
Please don't hate me Ladies.
Just having some fun with some sexist jokes.
I don't mean all of them !
Honest I don't! :playful:

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already. :D

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it. ;)

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. :playful:

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. :playful:

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women
who can handle the bullshit!
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do you know


what happens




at night ....



on ...


your ....



desk ....




after ...






you turn off your computer .....

and you go ...




to bed.......









?


?


?


?


?
!!

0


SO, wash your hands ! ;)​
 

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