The jokes only thread....

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An American was touring Mexico. After his day’s sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What was that you just served the gentleman at the next table?” The waiter replied, “Ah, senor, you have excellent taste! Those were the bull’s testicles from the bull-fight this morning. A delicacy!” The American was momentarily daunted when he learnt the origin of the dish. But then he said, “What the hell? I am on vacation! Bring me an order!” The waiter replied, “I am sorry, senor. There is only one serving a day, since there is only one bull-fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, you will be sure to have this delicacy!” The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, he called the waiter and said, “These are smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!” * * * * * * The waiter replied, “Si, senor, I know. But sometimes the bull wins.”
 
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, “I stole a can of peaches.”
The judge then asked, “how many peaches were in the can?”
“Six,” replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn’t know what to do.

And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, “your honor, wait!”
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.

“She also stole a can of peas!”
 
Thought you all might get a kick out of this:

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for aminute then says, "Astronomically-speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically,the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you,Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo... It mean someone stole tent."
 
1:Joe said I divorced my wife on the 1st night.
Friend: Why?
Joe: I saw the label on her panties, “Tested OK by William and Sons.”
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2.Joe: Yeah my wife is very scared of water.
Friend: How did you know?
Joe: Twice when I got home I saw her having a bath with the security guard.
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3. The Nurse was taking a blood sample from John. She held his finger and squeezed for the blood.
So John laughed.
Nurse: Why did you laugh?
John: After this, it is the urine test right?

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4. Husband & wife having dinner together.
Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
Husband: Your nipples are better than your sister’s!
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5. On the first night of the marriage the husband gives the wife $500. and “I have never done this for free.”
The wife returns $200 and says “I have not charged more than this before.”
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