The jokes only thread....

Lil Johnny is saying goodnight to his parents and grandparents.
“Good night, Mom, good night, Dad, good night, Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”
The very next day grandpa passed away!
That evening Lil Johnny once again says goodnight.
“Good night, Mom, good night, Dad, goodbye Grandma."
The very next day Grandma passes.
Lil Johnny's dad asks why Johnny is saying good night all the time.
Lil Johnny says, "I don't know, just does."
That night Lil Johnny says good night, Mom, goodbye Dad.
Lil Johnnys's dad is very suspicious and begins to worry.
He believes this couldn’t just be a coincidence.
So, he goes to work early the next morning,
hides under his desk until late in the afternoon.
Eventually, he decides to go home.
He arrives home safely and asks his wife how her days been?
“Oh, it was just awful!” she replied. “The Milkman died!”
 

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children.​

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A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "You know if you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick I wouldn't have to listen to that tapping." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the freaking bus.
 

Shawn walks into the bar and sees his friend slumped over the bar.
He walks over and asks Lil Johnny, "what's wrong?"
"Well," replies Lil Johnny, "you know that beautiful girl at work that
I want to ask out, but I get an erection every time I see her?"
"Yea," replies Shawn chuckling.
"Well," says Lil Johnny, straightening up,
"I got the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Shawn, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Lil Johnny,
"but I was worried I'd get an erection again.
So I got some duct tape and taped my ***** to my leg,
so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Great Idea," says Shawn
"Well, I get to her door," says Lil Johnny, "ring her doorbell.
She answered it in the sheerest, Hottest dress I've ever seen."
So," what happened then," asks Shawn?
(Lil Johnny leans over the bar again.)
"I kicked her real good and the door slammed in my face."
 
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do any of those."
 
Last night Lil Johnnys neighbor came home drunk
and banged on his door for over five minutes!
Thing is he lives alone, so Lil Johnny Yells out at him.
Lil Johnny says, "Kenny he's not home. The damn fool left!
 
Lil Johnny's wife is golfing with her foursome.
She hit her second shot into the Crick Bank.
As Karen looks for her ball, she sees a Frog leg in a trap.
The frog says to her, "If you can release me from this trap,
I will grant you 3 wishes." So, she releases the trap.
"Thank you & whatever you wish for your husband will get 10 X times."
Well; Karen says, "That's good. 1. I want to be the most Beautiful Woman."
2. "I want to be the Richest person, and 3. I would like a mild Heart Attack,
what's mine I keep and he gets what's coming to him too!
 
On a step, a priest sat next to a drunk struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
 
Blonde Lost In The Desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.

The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
 
Lil Johnny now an angle appears at a CEO's Bathroom and tells the young CEO
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary decisions concerning the employes of
his company, the Lord has chosen to reward him his Choice of Wealth, Health
wisdom, or beautiful blonde women?
Without a moment's hesitation the young Ceo says, 'Beautiful Blonde Women!"
"Done!" says lil Johnny, the angel & disappears in a cloud of black vapor and a ball of fire.
So, the CEO is standing there surrounded by the Halo of Black vapor and red fire.
Years pass, the young CEO makes generous decisions for his employees and he
becomes an old timer reminiscing with his memoirs.
One day he is on his Death Bed, Dozens of family (greedy inheritors) gather
near his bed and He whispers, "I should have chosen Money!"
 
Lil Johnny drives and Buzzards are following .....
He used to travel a lot at given times. Now the
Bucket list is filled with Grand Kids.
Lil Johnny once traveled thru Arizona and spots a Tarantula.
Crossing the road, stops and watches it take its
time just waddle across. Dedicated to task guy.
They have them as pets. They move when
hungry, than stationary guy. The
Story he hears is never nuzzle one with your nose.
Lil Johnny's in Georgia, East of Atlanta, close to S.C.
and there on a Road Bank, maybe 100 yards from a
White County home is near 15 of the biggest Lizards
He's ever seen sunning. These guys will eat a Beef and
Still be hungry. A bunch of Gaters 4' across at the shoulders.
The States have wonderous things to see! .......Timing is? .....
Even the imagination of all that stuff.
Lil Johnny's driving in traffic in Florida, a Motorcycle's ahead.
He makes the light, Lil Johnny just waits and then proceed, a straight line
winds hits, very black, no rain, a short palm tree is afire, He watches
bud doesn't see the Motorcycle again. It was a momentary across
South Florida storm just north of Miami. Lil Johnny thinks about that
Lil Palm tree, staked with cables and wonder, "WHAT T. F." !
Lil Johnny once went to Tijuana, Mexico. Their selling Chicken necks as
a snack from carts on the street. The Bars have music drifting.
out to the street. He couldn't stay overnight. Chicken necks?
 
You drive and Buzzards are following you. .....
I used to travel a lot at given times. Now the
Bucket list is filled with Grand Kids. Lol
I once traveled thru Arizona and see a Tarantula.
Crossing the road, stopped and watched it take its
time just waddle across. Dedicated to task guy.
They have them as pets. They move in late winter when
Horney or hungry, than stationary guy. The
Story is never nuzzle one with your nose.
We are in Georgia, East of Atlanta, close to S.C.
and there on a Road Bank, maybe 100 yards from a
White County home is near 15 of the biggest Lizards
you ever seen sunning. These guys will eat a Beef and
Still be hungry. A bunch of Gaters 4' across at the shoulders.
The States have wonderous things to see! .......Timing is? .....
Even the imagination of all that stuff.
I'm driving in traffic in Florida, a Motorcycle ahead of us.
He makes the light, I wait and then proceed, a straight line
winds hits, west to east winds, very black, no rain, a short palm tree is afire, I
don't see the Motorcycle again. It was a momentary across
South Florida storm just north of Miami. I think about that
Lil Palm tree, staked with cables and wonder, "WHAT T. F." !
We are in Tijuana, Mexico. Their selling Chicken necks as
a snack from carts on the street. The Bars have music drifting.
out to the street. We didn't stay overnight. Chicken necks?
 
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This thread is a great example of generational differences. I was looking at the reddit jokes thread the other day. Nearly every post was a 2 line joke. Here, almost all are 2 paragraphs or more.
 

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