What's With All This Sexual Harassment Stuff Going On?

rgp said:
So who decides what "verbal abuse" is ?

If a man says,.. my she has a nice smile...that's OK ? But if he say's damn she has a nice set of boobs...he's a jerk?.....Both remarks are after all compliments.

And trust me...many / most women would not be offended if George Clooney noticed their boobs.
Click to expand...
*eyes roll*
 

Shalimar said:
Noticing breasts is one thing, unwarranted personal comments is another. They are disrespectful. Complimenting a smile is not. Huge difference. As for “verbal abuse,” this goes to both personal boundaries and


courtesy, rule of thumb, don’t make sexual comments to any woman in a public place, or in private without her permission. Verbal belittling, swearing, etc is unacceptable anywhere. If you are unsure of a woman’s boundaries, ask, she will respect you for it. I recall one of our male sf posters who altered his opinion of what constitutes abuse, spoke up, and earned the respect of many members, both male and female.
Click to expand...


So now you want to control freedom of speech ? [He] has every right to say what he likes [she] has every right to like it or not....and that is pretty much where it ends.

Women just luv to send mixed messages..I remember when i was a teen, I asked a girl if I could kiss her. She said never ask, just kiss. Now in light of all this,... the demand is always ask .....so which is it ?

Later on in adult life I dated a woman [30 ish] that wanted to play pretend rape, nearly every time we ..[well you know]. I tried, but it just wasn't {me} . We broke up , because of that....she said that I was boring. So just how the heck does a guy know what is acceptable as a pass, until he makes the pass, & she responds?

If a guy makes an unwanted advance ?...tell him no. If he stops ?...turn the page , go on with your life. If he doesn't ?...whole new situation.
 
If a man says,.. my she has a nice smile...that's OK ?
Click to expand...

Not really, unless she's working as a model for toothpaste commercials. I don't think remarks about a co-worker's personal appearance are really appropriate, and I don't think women come to work in order to hear
that they have a cute nose.

Probably the way for a man to judge if he's being offensive is to ask himself if this would be an appropriate comment to make to another man at work. If not, it's not appropriate for a women either.
 

rgp said:
So now you want to control freedom of speech ? [He] has every right to say what he likes [she] has every right to like it or not....and that is pretty much where it ends.

Women just luv to send mixed messages..I remember when i was a teen, I asked a girl if I could kiss her. She said never ask, just kiss. Now in light of all this,... the demand is always ask .....so which is it ?

Later on in adult life I dated a woman [30 ish] that wanted to play pretend rape, nearly every time we ..[well you know]. I tried, but it just wasn't {me} . We broke up , because of that....she said that I was boring. So just how the heck does a guy know what is acceptable as a pass, until he makes the pass, & she responds?

If a guy makes an unwanted advance ?...tell him no. If he stops ?...turn the page , go on with your life. If he doesn't ?...whole new situation.
Click to expand...

Get serious. First of all, real adult men understand that their rights end where another person's begins.

How about if she kicks you in the groin, I guess that you have the right to "like it, or not".
 
rgp said:
So now you want to control freedom of speech ? [He] has every right to say what he likes [she] has every right to like it or not....and that is pretty much where it ends.

Women just luv to send mixed messages..I remember when i was a teen, I asked a girl if I could kiss her. She said never ask, just kiss. Now in light of all this,... the demand is always ask .....so which is it ?

Later on in adult life I dated a woman [30 ish] that wanted to play pretend rape, nearly every time we ..[well you know]. I tried, but it just wasn't {me} . We broke up , because of that....she said that I was boring. So just how the heck does a guy know what is acceptable as a pass, until he makes the pass, & she responds?

If a guy makes an unwanted advance ?...tell him no. If he stops ?...turn the page , go on with your life. If he doesn't ?...whole new situation.
Click to expand...

Freedom without accountability seems perilously close to anarchy. In a civilised society, respect is paramount. I can’t speak for everyone, but I don’t have verbally abusive people in my life. As for mixed messages, I think in present day, many unpleasant situations can be avoided if a person asks permission before making a pass of any kind. Protects both parties involved. As for the pretend rape stuff, I don’t think you were boring at all. She was into kink, you weren’t.
 
tnthomas said:
Get serious. First of all, real adult men understand that their rights end where another person's begins.

How about if she kicks you in the groin, I guess that you have the right to "like it, or not".
Click to expand...

That's one thing I'd been thinking since this topic came up (before here)- hesitating to comment, because in general I oppose violence, but I'd bet a big reason this is so common these days is because the skuzzier members of the male population (the minority, I believe) KNOW women no longer have the prerogative of standing up for themselves (ourselves). It's like pushing as far as one can get, with 'heh, there's nothing you can do about it.
It came to mind awhile back when channel-surfing, happened to see a few of those very old black&white classic movies- if a guy 'got fresh' the women would simply slap him one. Do that these days and would be looking at handcuffs.

Personally I'm having an awful time because I don't know what to do- have been tolerating LANDLORD's 'behaviors' and the behaviors have been ESCALATING. So 'powerlessness' in this situation extends to the concern that if I take any action I'd end up without a place to live.
 
Warrigal said:
Some people are seen as 'creepy' and no-one wants to encourage them by laughing at their blue jokes. And perhaps they aren't really funny or they have been told too often to raise a laugh any more.

If you don't want to be labelled a pig, tread softly and take in the vibes. Self reflection will guide you.
Click to expand...

Really? I was an office manager and we had very nice female staff.

My friend worked with me for the same firm.

We were at a party. I remarked that no one at our company ever made passes at the female staff.

His wife replied. "How boring".

See what I mean?
 
JaniceM said:
That's one thing I'd been thinking since this topic came up (before here)- hesitating to comment, because in general I oppose violence, but I'd bet a big reason this is so common these days is because the skuzzier members of the male population (the minority, I believe) KNOW women no longer have the prerogative of standing up for themselves (ourselves). It's like pushing as far as one can get, with 'heh, there's nothing you can do about it.
It came to mind awhile back when channel-surfing, happened to see a few of those very old black&white classic movies- if a guy 'got fresh' the women would simply slap him one. Do that these days and would be looking at handcuffs.

Personally I'm having an awful time because I don't know what to do- have been tolerating LANDLORD's 'behaviors' and the behaviors have been ESCALATING. So 'powerlessness' in this situation extends to the concern that if I take any action I'd end up without a place to live.
Click to expand...

How awful for you! Is moving at some point an option? Is it possible to access some free legal advice on what exactly your rights are?
 
Shalimar said:
I shall tell you a little secret about women. Sometimes, we dress for ourselves, to celebrate our femininity. It isn’t always about men.
Click to expand...
Yes, that's so true! I wore hot pants at one time and liked the look.
What about nudist colonies? They don't rape each other there to my knowledge. It's the culture they like.
 
Last edited:
AZ Jim said:
BobF represents a view that unfortunately has come to reflect all men's opinions and nothing could be further from the truth. It is a view that I hope is in it's death throes. I have more I want to say but I also do not want the ban hammer so I'll leave it at that.
Click to expand...

I am asking that all such offenses be brought to the police and reported. That in itself will start to make a case. Proofs will only come from those investigations and not from others restating those undocumented and unrecognized to be crimes, there fore lies about other folks. It seems to be starting to happen.

From these few wins I would hope the women will learn that as soon as such happens they will get the authorities into the stream of knowledge and not think they are hiding by not talking for 20 or 30 years while the guilty keep on taking advantage of others.

I certainly hope my ideas are kept and used by others as well.

Say something for real and honest and you won't have to worry about the 'ban hammer'.
 
Camper6 said:
Really? I was an office manager and we had very nice female staff.

My friend worked with me for the same firm.

We were at a party. I remarked that no one at our company ever made passes at the female staff.

His wife replied. "How boring".

See what I mean?
Click to expand...

You are using one probably drunk and likely to have been joking woman as proof that's what all women want?

Surely even you realize you are being disingenuous.
 
Shalimar said:
No worries. This subject is a trigger for many.
Click to expand...

This subject is only a trigger for misogynists.

Normal people, those of us who are not misogynists, are thinking these guys like Weinstein and Rose are finally getting what they've deserved for a long time. They knew they were out of line all along but they probably thought they could continue to get away with it.
 
tnthomas said:
Get serious. First of all, real adult men understand that their rights end where another person's begins.

How about if she kicks you in the groin, I guess that you have the right to "like it, or not".
Click to expand...

Sorry, you're wrong...You are comparing speech, a comment....to a physical attack.
 
Freedom of speech has nothing to do with what you say to me or I say back to you.

Freedom of speech is about the government not being allowed to censor the speech of individuals and the press, or to prohibit public gatherings. Even that has limitations because we have laws against some forms of speech.

I'll quote Wikipedia, which has a pretty good freedom of speech entry:

Freedom of speech and expression, therefore, may not be recognized as being absolute, and common limitations to freedom of speech relate to libel, slander, obscenity, pornography, sedition, incitement, fighting words, classified information, copyright violation, trade secrets, food labeling, non-disclosure agreements, the right to privacy, the right to be forgotten, public security, and perjury. Justifications for such include the harm principle, proposed by John Stuart Mill in On Liberty, which suggests that: "the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others.[SUP]"[/SUP] The idea of the "offense principle" is also used in the justification of speech limitations, describing the restriction on forms of expression deemed offensive to society, considering factors such as extent, duration, motives of the speaker, and ease with which it could be avoided.
Click to expand...
 
Smiling Jane said:
Freedom of speech has nothing to do with what you say to me or I say back to you.

Freedom of speech is about the government not being allowed to censor the speech of individuals and the press, or to prohibit public gatherings. Even that has limitations because we have laws against some forms of speech.

I'll quote Wikipedia, which has a pretty good freedom of speech entry:
Click to expand...


If your addressing me?...I really don't care what wiki says....a comment & a physical attack are two entirely different things.
 
There are many forms of abuse. Physical, sexual, emotional/verbal. Many of my clients tell me that emotional abuse, expressed in the form of words has every bit as much a traumatic effect on them as other forms. Words have power. They can be used to frighten, demean, humiliate, steal a person’s self esteem, their capacity to make healthy choices, make them doubt their reality/sanity. In extreme forms, brainwashing can occur.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top