Just senior humor

good oldie:D

An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
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Click to expand...

Dear Paul,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad
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Click to expand...

A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Paul.
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At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Click to expand...
 
Guy is forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons.

He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge,

only to hear that court would be adjourned for the day, and he would have to return the next day.

"What for?" he snapped at the judge.

The Judge is equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared,

"Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"

Then, noticing the Guy is checking his wallet the judge relents.

"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The Guy replies, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
 

"Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.

It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the families Bible.

"What do you have there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered,

"I think it's Adam's underwear!"
 
Did you hear the story that Billionaires, Oligarch's, dictators, Fake vote Political Far Right and Far Left basically Simple people who only want to give everybody the same Crap, intend to take over the world? Haha...... 🥰

No Shit!
 
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia.

He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

"I'm fine," Angus said. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments.

One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door

to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time." "Well, ma laddie,' says his mother,

"I suggest you don't associate with people like that."

"Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes."
 
Buddy dies a terrible accident down at the Petrol Industry; The Dr. needs positive ID so him and the County Coroner call Buddy's 2 best friends to come down and Positive him. So Hiney is first and sees Buddy's mutilated face, "Turn his nakerd ass over!" So they turn him sunny side up and Hiney says, "nope its not Buddy."

Well, they call in Buddy's other pal Chuck. Chuck takes a look and says," turn his sunny side up." He then says, "nope its not Buddy!"

The Doc asks, "How can you tell?"

"Buddy has 2 ass holes." We always went to town and the guys in the bar would always say, "Here comes buddy with the 2 assholes."
 
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